Wrapping my brain around leaving Cali behind for a few months, and our sweet boy Mack.

For me this time of year really is a mad dash to get all my shit together, in record time.  Not only do I have all the regular things I need to tend to; my health, my daughters, the three legged kids, YB, my blog, my career, bills, chores, and errands, I also have to pack up our lives, stuff it into bins, suitcases at the drop of a hat.  It’s at the drop of a hat because the funny thing about heading back to Toronto, is that I never know when the cars are being picked up to be shipped, until, like the night before.  For an A-type personality control freak like me, it’s a lot to handle.  So, after doing this six times in three years, I’ve figured out that I need to have the bins packed a few days prior to the first pick up date that they give us.  This way I’m not scrambling packing bins the night before.  This helps to relieve a great deal of stress, and pressure.   Now, even though I’ve managed to get this going back and forth thing down to more of a science, I will say this…nothing really prepares me for leaving our mountain oasis and heading back to the concrete jungle, that is Toronto, that I love.

It’s weird how it affects my mood, and my spirit.  I’m always surprised that I would be “blue” at the prospect of heading “home.” Yet here I  am, again, more than a bit bummed out, not gonna lie.

The strangest thing about all this, and what doesn’t make sense, is that I only have three girlfriends here, that I would call to have dinner with, see movies with, or work out with.  In Toronto, I have my WHOLE TRIBE, whom I LOVE, and truly cannot live without.  Plus, not going to lie, our Toronto house blows this Cali mountain cabin OUT OF THE WATER.  Like there is no comparison as to which house is “better.”  Plus getting a table at a tough to get into restaurant in Toronto, isn’t even a thing.  Here, people have no idea “who we are.”  And to be frank, it’s quite refreshing.  Getting good service at a restaurant, just because is way better than getting it “because.”  I mean, let’s be honest, I know, and you know, that if Murdoch wants to have dinner in Toronto, he is having dinner in Toronto.  Even, to the extreme where one restaurant, one of our absolute favorites, THE CHASE, stayed open late on the night Yannick won his ACTRA Award of Excellence.  It’s in our top ten, we love that place, and that’s where we wanted to celebrate his huge honor, and THE CHASE, was more than happy to stay open past their regular hours to make that happen.

These are cool things, right?  I mean like who doesn’t think this is fun?  And I’m not writing this to be all obnoxious, or “so cool”, and I’m definitely not writing it so that I might receive hate messages.  I’m writing this to ask you out loud…what the f*#k gives.  If, the “quality” of my life is so much better in the6ix, more friends, more perks, better house, my family is there…then why the hell do I find it sooooo hard to leave Cali???  Like for real, I’m confused.  I just don’t get it.

What the hell Shantelle???

Anyway, I’ve been working on my attitude a ton, and I’ve been meditating on the fact that each day here is a gift, and a blessing.  I remind myself that I’m fortunate to have the opportunity to have this, at all.  And, Toronto is my home, where all that is good, blessed, and important to me is, and came from.  With keeping these perspectives, I’m able to, possibly for the first time EVER, leave Cali with a full, grateful heart.

The only downside of leaving Cali this time, is that it will be the last time we were with our boy, Mack.

3 Comments

  1. Not sure how I missed this one, Shantelle….I too have had a period in my life where my heart was in 2 different places – one where I worked in a different state, with few close friends, and natural beauty that always took my breath away…quieter, fresh air that hits you as soon as you arrive…all those things. Then there is my home where I have returned. When I was still able to travel, it always took me a bit of time to adjust to leaving one place and being at the other. Mostly I would wish I could have all those I’m close to in the one place….as time has passed, less people have kept in touch but I have a friend in the other state with whom I continue to swap hand-written letters.

    So I also think the natural surroundings and being on your ‘own time’ allow you to relax to a deeper level, and sometimes the simplicity of life in that situation just gives one that extra ‘boost’ that makes it hard to leave. Not the least this time on account of Mack…

    Great work being so organised to make things run more smoothly…you are one amazing super-woman covering all the things you take care of – humans, fur-babies, and all the other aspects of daily life! YB is lucky to have you looking after everything!

  2. I’m sure the sheer beauty, peace and tranquility have a great deal to do with it!!!

  3. I think you answered yourself: Nature vs. “concrete jungle”. You love both places, each for their own qualities, but I know being out in nature soothes my soul like nothing else. Your instagram story of your backyard had such wonderful birdsong (even though Kohl had to put in his 2 cents’ worth)! And it’s always hard for me to uproot myself.

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