Who’s job is it to break the cycle of abuse???

My life story has been a very interesting one. In order to “protect” my family, I won’t get into the nitty gritty of it here, on a blog. But suffice it to say, I have seen firsthand, and been on the receiving end of male domestic abuse during my lifetime. I’m a fighter. Always have been. So, was it inevitable that I would stop yesterday when that stranger with the Silver S550 Mercedes on Logan avenue, in Toronto attacked me, unprovoked? Is it because I had had to deal with it before, that I now, have an aversion to being a complacent participant of this “men will be men” mentality some women in our society have come to accept?

This truly makes me “go hmmm.”

I had lunch with a dear friend, whom I love madly, she also happens to be one of our lawyers. Her sister is a judge, her dad was a lawyer, so she has lawyer blood running through her veins. She has generations of lawyer smarts to pull from. And trust me when I tell you, that the bizarre timing of what happened to me, and my girls yesterday, combined with the fact that I knew I would be having lunch with her today, wasn’t lost on me. As catch up lunches are known to do, they usually begin with how are the kids, how is your relationship, how is work, and then the final topic is usually all about “what’s new???” I took the golden opportunity to share with her my experience from the day before. Her very first reaction, was the same as the cops and my husband’s…”why did you even stop??”

But then, since she and I are virtually the same person, she took off her lawyer hat and put on her woman hat. She too was obviously appalled at the stranger with the Silver S550 Mercedes’ behavior. Once we batted that fact around for a little while, her question quickly turned to “why would the women who were with him BACK HIS BEHAVIOR??”

We both found that, and the fact that he assaulted an innocent women, IN FRONT of impressionable young people; absolutely mind boggling. Neither of us could “put ourselves in their shoes.” We kept wondering over, and over again, why would neither of the women with him, his “friends” we’re assuming, tell him he was being a giant, inexcusable dick? My daughters, and I discussed it at great length last night also. What woman, in her right mind, if she was with a man, whether involved in an intimate relationship or otherwise, would stand back, let a man hit a woman with an object, and not call him out for being a giant douche?? Like why didn’t they grab a bottle and HIT HIM with it?? Why instead, when the police came, did they lie and say, I started the whole thing??

Like who does that???

Ever?

If, and it would NEVER HAPPEN, but let’s really, really, reach here. If I were walking with Yannick, and he started an altercation with a woman he’d never met, who had done nothing to him, I would tell him to “knock it off” to “be a gentleman” to “let it go.” IF it escalated past that, to the point where he actually hauled off, and hit a woman, well I would go psycho on him. I would most likely call him many names under the sun, and none of them good, or loving. Then I would go to the woman, and offer her my apologies, support, and kindness. You can bet your ass that I would also be standing next to her when the cops arrived. I would so be throwing an abusive man, even if it were my man, under the fucking bus.

Yet these women didn’t do that. These women didn’t band together with a fellow female. These women instead told me; “You got what you deserved.”

And at the end of the day, after all is said and done, that my friends is what is the most sickening, saddening bit of everything that took place last night. Which begs these questions: Were these women raised in a home where it was okay for a man to abuse a woman? And if so, are they too weak to break the cycle, not only for themselves, but for their daughters? Who’s job is it to break the cycle of abuse? In my understanding that power has always been within me, which is why I married a loving, kind, gentle, thoughtful man who has respect for all man/womankind.

The power to put a stop to abuse lies within every single one of us. Perhaps you don’t go out there, and foolishly stop your car while, a stranger with a Silver S550 Mercedes, is beating the shit out of it with a water bottle. But this is our planet, our lives, and it is our right to spend our time here without living in fear. And more than anything, it is our right to not allow anybody take our power away from us.

xo
Shantelle

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