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Who knew if you put in the work, and were quick to say sorry, a marriage could go twenty eight years?

The funny thing about relationships is that often while we’re in the thick of them we can’t really recall the good, or the bad times.  It seems, to me, that the days melt one into the other.  I’m not saying this is a bad thing, nor am I saying that it makes a relationship mundane, I’m merely pointing it out, because this is the beauty of comfort, and closeness that comes with time.  The ability to hold onto neither the positive or negative of the relationship, but having the capacity of simply living in the present of it.  I didn’t realize that that was what I was doing with YB until just the other day.

My worst self is a grudge holder, it is the one character trait about myself that I have had to battle against the hardest.  Thankfully I seem to have only passed that trait on to one of my girls.  It has been through watching her struggle with letting go of the negative emotions that don’t serve her that I have been able to truly see it in myself.  With the clarity of that, these last few years of my marriage, in my opinion, have been our best.  I say sorry much more easily, and let go of hurt feelings more readily.  This simple change within myself has made the world of difference in my marriage.

Who knew that it would be such a teeny tiny shift of letting go of hurt feelings, swiftly, that would make my marriage the best it’s ever been??

I tell you who didn’t know.  Me.

I’d love to say that I wish I could go back and change the past, and that I wish I had learned this lesson earlier, but I’m not going to do that.  And the reason I’m not going to do that is because I’m quite content with where we are right now.  I love our love, and I love our life.  It’s certainly not perfect, and there are things that could be better, but I’m just grateful that we’re anywhere together.  In a time when more than half end up divorced, which for the most part I believe is a result from ego, and entitlement, but that’s another blog.  I must say that I feel incredibly blessed for my marriage with all its perfect imperfections.  Yannick is my lid, and although the pot is slightly dented and misshaped, and the lid is a little bit warped, somehow we still manage to fit together; and for that I’m grateful.

It makes me insanely proud to be able to say we’ve been together for thirty years.  And it makes my toes curl to know that we’ve weathered so many storms together, have shared so much beauty and ugliness, and we’re still standing.  Not only still standing but still deeply in love, actually let me rephrase that:  MORE IN LOVE and still getting our shag on.  If this is not the good stuff in life, then I don’t know what is.

Thank you for standing with me for twenty eight wedded years Yannick, I love you madly, and look forward to the next twenty eight, and checking off the list of things we want to do to, side by side, arm in arm in love.

PHOTO CREDIT:  GEORGE PIMENTEL

2 Comments

  1. I sent my congratulations on twitter and Instagram but am behind in my blog comments. These are again such powerful words. I Love your description “perfect imperfections’ it tells it like it is,…none of us are perfect. And you Should be insanely proud of still standing together after thirty years. All relationships have ups and downs and sometimes storms to weather. The ones with Love in their roots can make it work, and yes sometimes it is Work, but worth every effort. And we all have to be able to say ‘I’m Sorry’. We married young as well (20) and grew up together after that. Learning that our Love was stronger than any of those downs or storms. And we are in a wonderful place in our lives today, More in love than ever and after 51 years still getting our ‘shag on’ as well 🙂 I know TMI.
    I wish you Many more years Standing Together with your love continuing to grow .

  2. Many congratulations and best wishes for many more years together. We’re looking forward to our 40th anniversary next year. Together 44 years. Worked together for 33 years. You are so right – no two people can share a life without compromising and I like to think that most of the time we don’t even realise we are. Paul and I are totally different and totally the same depending on what we are doing. We know when to step forwards or step back. It’s been exciting, sad, tremendously happy… . It’s been “life” and long may it continue. And long may you two enjoy each other as we have.

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