Well it’s Friday, and Friday’s are when I post my Dear Elle articles from last week. This week there was only one article, because, well, life happens.
Please enjoy, and I’d love to know your thoughts on this one, because it is a dicey topic. A young girl isn’t happy with her appearance and is begging her mom to let her get a nose job…do you let her or don’t you.
Things that make me go hmmm…read my response below.
My 17 year old daughter has been begging to get a nose job. She has never liked her nose, and for the last three years it’s all she has been talking about. Her father is totally against it and his “you’re beautiful the way you are speech” is not a good enough of a reason for her. Me? I’m on the fence. I agree with my husband, she’s beautiful the way she is. To add, I think she’s way too young, but on the flip side I can see my daughters confidence dwindling rapidly, and her insecurity is making it hard for her to enjoy her life. I just want her to be happy. Help!
Wow this one is a tough one. As a mother to three daughters and as a woman, who in the past has had plastic surgery to help me feel better in my skin, I totally get where your daughter is coming from. But in order for me to adequately advise you on this, I feel like I would need to know what she’s dealing with. One of my girls thinks she needs a nose job, and I always thought I might prefer how I looked if I had made a little tweak to my nose. Without knowing you or your daughter, or what is really going in her life and with her nose, it is impossible for me to tell you what you should allow her to do. Side note, it is funny though how men are so the same. My husband often gives all us girls that exact response when we say; “oh maybe if I just did this, or that I would feel more confident in my skin…”
The reality is this, nobody is living inside your daughter’s head, so how I would proceed, because yes she is young, is first thing I would do is have her talk to a great therapist. Because regardless if you support her wanting to make the change or not, obviously there are some mental issues surrounding it that should be heard and supported. Also, it’s a good idea for her to uncover why she feels this way about herself. Personally, for me, I have to say, I put a lot of blame on social media and the fact that girls your daughter’s age know that models like Bella Hadid had a nose job very young, probably around seventeen actually. All day long they’re inundated with the absolute best of young girls, some they know, some they just admire from afar, and their “perfection” puts a lot of pressure on them. So, if it were my daughter I would definitely start with therapy, to try and help her get to the root of the issue, and hopefully learn some coping skills, along with determining whether or not she really does need it to help with her confidence out in the world. Should the therapist determine that she is of “sound mind” and it really would help a great deal as she ventures into adulthood then I would consider letting her do it, but not before she finishes high school, and turns eighteen. Because at the end of the day, once she’s eighteen she can sign off on these things without your consent and the last thing you want her doing is using her money from her part time job to go and have the nose job done by some hack. If she’s determined to do it then I would take the journey with her and ensure that she gets the best person in your town to do the work.
Hope this helps!