From the blog

Is there a standard for the correct amount of hang out time post sex?

How much time after sex is the “right” amount of time for a lover to stick around post sex, I’m asking for a friend???

After waking me up to make love to me, and then taking me out for breakfast, YB rushed through our meal and then ran out of the restaurant like it had caught fire so he could meet up with his friends for a bike ride.  I have no problem with him going for a ride today, I have a full afternoon of appointments myself, so no sense him sitting here all alone.  But, to say I feel like I’ve been placated is an understatement.  I mean I get the “have your cake and eat it too” but I’m trying to figure out if I’m the cake and the “eating it too” is his bike, or is it the other way around here???  Am I alone in thinking that post sex there should be a required amount of time that your lover should hang out with you??  I mean yeah it was nice, he let me sleep in two hours after he woke up.  He’s an early to bed, and early to rise sorta guy, to my nighthawk, sleeping in habits.  He jumps for joy whenever I agree to slip into bed with him before 10pm.  I think he feels he has won the lottery when that happens.  Which I might point out is happening more and more now that the girls don’t live with us.  When they did I used those two, or three hours between when they went up to their rooms and I went to sleep, as my down time or my alone/quiet time; and so began the pattern of me going to bed too late.

Anyway, it was too funny, Yannick always knows he has to work that little bit harder if he wants morning sex since I am SOOOOO NOT a morning person.  I’m not chatty in the morning, I prefer to move slowly, and quietly, which works out perfectly for us, since most days he’s out of the house before 7am either to film, or to bike ride.  It gives me a couple of hours to just pull myself together before I start with my days work.  But there is the odd morning, like today, when he’s got nothing planned until mid-day and I’m literally a sleeping target.  Here I was basking in how lovely a nice sleep in, good shag, a yummy breakfast at a new place we’d never been to, was.  I even started to fantasize that our morning might include a hike in the ravine with the boys…then he dropped the hammer.  Had to eat FAST so he could get to his buddies and his bike ride on time.

WTAF?  I’ve been duped.  I would have luxuriated in bed reading had I known I was only going to get 60 minutes post fornication with him.  Sneaky shit.  I mean, I’m not saying I would have said no to him, I’m just saying I would stayed in bed and read for a little while instead of rushing, rushing, rushing, so he could ride.

I wonder what dating people do?  Is there an unspoken standard, of how much time one is expected to chill post sex out there that I’m not familiar with when you’re dating?  Does the amount of time differ between married people and dating people?  Do married people not have that same criteria since we’re under the same roof day in, day out?  I don’t normally wonder about this since I don’t really recall the jump in the car, get to breakfast, eat fast, pay, jump back in the car, rush home thing ever happening between me and YB.  We’ve had plenty of “do it fast” the kids are getting home in 8 minutes sort of sex over our thirty years.  But the rushing through the after time together has never happened.  Not that I recall, and has me wondering all sorts of things now about what is the right amount of time to chill after making love before one of you takes off for the day?  Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm.

PHOTO CREDIT:  @thekittyholland

8 Comments

  1. I’m a little late to this party but I have to say thanks a lot lady! This morning you had me second guessing our post-shagging cuddle time. Normally I would give it a second thought but thanks to you I dragged myself out of the bed with a twinge of guilt.
    As a non-morning person I have to agree with your friends. Morning is for quickies, cuddle time in the evening for me! So I guess it just depends on what kind of person you are – morning or evening!

  2. Twenty minutes of cuddling and conversation is appropriate, I’d say.
    Then again, it all depends how sticky you both are…
    Icky, but true…

  3. An interesting conundrum! I’m not sure that I have any kind of good feedback on that as I find that luckily the amount of post-coital hanging out that we do is generally quite enough for me (and it doesn’t have to be a lot, but that’s just me). I also, however, don’t have a partner who is rushing off on a bike – he’s usually rushing down to his computer to write.

    I feel the need to add … I don’t think you’re “lucky to have a husband interested enought”. I think you both work mighty hard on your relationship, and not a lot of that is just luck. But if you want to look at it that way, he’s lucky to have YOU, too! 😉

  4. First and foremost I love your blog. You can piss me off until I want to chew nails and spit rust or make me laugh until the tears run down my face, but you make me think about what’s going on in the world and I thank you for that.
    I’ve had a very busy week so I’m a week behind on everything on social media. But these 2 blogs on you and Yanny having sex and everyone having an opinion has me laughing my head off. First to those who are shocked…where did you think the 3 girls came from? they only had sex 3 times? Yannick plays Murdoch(he’s a fictional character) he’s not Murdoch. Yannick has a Wife, Dad, Mom, siblings and real life friends. So yes he has sex with his wife. His real wife, not Julia!
    Since I’m of an “older” generation by 17 yrs. I didn’t live with my husband until after we were married. So how shocked was I to find I married an earlier riser who whistles in the shower at 5 AM. And I go to bed very late and hate mornings with a passion. Yes, I did almost kill him. And everyone who knows me, even my bosses, knew better than to expect more than a growl before 10 AM.
    So what’s the big deal about the two of you having sex. Almost all married couples do and if it’s a good marriage usually quite a lot. Thank God and Amen! I don’t know if I think YB was sneaky about it or not. Or how long post sex time is enough. I don’t think he was sneaky. He let you sleep in(which I would have been thankful for if it was my hubby). Great sex and then out to breakfast. Sounds like a good time to me. Even if he hurried off to go biking. Mike use to hurry off to go golfing. You didn’t say what you did after he got back from biking. Out to dinner? or did he zonk out on the couch LOL!.
    Anyway, I think whatever is right for the couple is what is good for them. We all have our own fit. I’m happy that you have such a healthy marriage and wonderful family. And never mind what anyone else thinks.

  5. Oh Shantelle I love your blog whichever subject you choose to write about. It is the first thing I look for each morning.

  6. Hmmm interesting question. OK he Did let you sleep in so that’s a plus for the man for the start to the ‘experience’. And breakfast out is another plus always. Yes, you were left in the dust. But still a heck of a start to the day. Tell your “friend” that I think Morning sex has a different set of guidelines for the ‘afterglow’. People have ‘things’ to do later in the day, Maybe a bike ride, maybe a facial or maybe just have to get to work on time. So 60 minutes post fornication is a lot for the morning. In the evening when you have more time , you can stretch the ‘after time’ out with more cuddling and maybe some wine in front of the fireplace.
    Having polled a few friends with an anonymous ‘what would you think of a 60 minute after time? The consensus was that they would be thrilled and didn’t know any one Ever had that.
    So the answer to the question for your ‘friend’, It depends on different factors
    — time of day, plans for the day. Whether you send your husband down to clean the kitchen and do the laundry ( oh wait a minute that’s just me😍)
    The ‘needs’ of the few (I mean the two) should dictate the time.
    Yeah like I know what I am talking about
    And thank youi for sharing, really I Mean it… THANK YOU FOR SHARING.😄🙄😄

  7. Weeell, as someone who was supposed to see her man on Tuesday, only to have it scuppered on Monday, I’m perhaps a tad jealous you even got that….. (he was going to pick me up from work, take me to a hotel, and have fun all night with me – I had Wednesday off. Alas, Monday he was told to pick some people from head-office up, only to find they were the Internal Auditors, and he then spent the next 48 hours pulling files, receipts, and such for them……)

    But that aside: cuddling is a must in my book! And pulling the wool over your eyes in the form of breakfast is almost beyond the pale! Hmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm!

  8. I’m not sure I needed to read this – I feel very much like I’ve intruded on your private life. I’m not sure I’ll be able to put that out of my mind as I watch poor Murdoch…I’d say that after all the years you’ve been married, you’re lucky to have a husband interested enough to wake you up for a little action!

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