What sort of man threatens a woman’s life because of a lane change???

Hello my friends.  Thank you so much for your genuine concern about the driver who told me last week that he would shoot me if he had a gun.  You all gave a ton of helpful advice that I’m mulling over to decide the best route to go in addressing this.  I’m not sure if you recall, but last year I posted about another man who lunged at my SUV striking it with his water bottle, spat in my car window and then hit me with the water bottle on my left arm when I attempted to get him out of my car window by pushing him on the chest.

I called the police.  I waited 45 minutes for them to get there only to have them tell me that he says I hit him first (which I absolutely did not).  His two female friends/witnesses said the same thing.  Even though I also had two witnesses, my daughters were in the car, the police said I had no leg to stand on, and told me to; “forget about it, you won’t win.”

So I did nothing.  I did however write a lengthy blog post about it, which was therapeutic.  If you go back into my archives it was on August 8th 2016, for those of you who weren’t reading back then, if  you want to read the entire account.

My point is this.  As a woman, I know all too well how trying to get help often results in the exact opposite outcome.  Not only do I read about it all too often, but I’ve lived it, sadly over the course of my entire life.  That particular road incident was the most recent time that I did what I thought was the right thing, not allowing a bully of a man, surrounded by six young kids to get away with road rage, assault, verbal abuse and lying.  But I didn’t.  I won nothing at all that day.  I struggle more with wondering if those kids learned anything at all about that night, than if the cops did anything to help me.  The biggest reason I called the cops in the first place was so the kids would see that men should not behave this way out in the world.  Not to a woman, hell, not to anybody.

Listen, I’m no angel behind the wheel.  People cut me off, do stupid things all day long.  It’s the way of the roads I’m afraid.  Everybody is in it for themselves, in a rush, distracted, or in some cases just “new.”  New to the city, new to driving, new to using their God damn brains.  Whatever it is that makes for so much bad driving we’ve all been the recipient of another driver’s actions that we haven’t liked.

Do I tailgate them?  No.

Do I chase them down?  No.

Do I speed up, get in front of them and then slam my brakes on?  No.

Do I flip the bird at the them?  Yes.

Do I swear and call them names inside the confines of my own car?  Yes.

Do I let it go within a matter of minutes after the offense?  Yes.

And here in lies the point.  I’m not saying I’m a perfect driver, or that I have the perfect reaction to things that are done to me on the road.  Not at all.  But, what I am is a respectful, law abiding human being of the planet.  I couldn’t imagine making a mountain out of a molehill on the road, and I certainly can’t imagine anybody doing anything to me, other than harming one of my girls to get me to threaten another person’s life.

It’s just not that serious.  More importantly, the state of my spirit, my energy, my attitude is worth way more to me than letting some dumb person know just how much their bad choices bothered me in that ONE MINUTE of my entire day.

Can I get an Amen.

As you know this man lives in our neighborhood, so I’m bound to see him again.  In fact yesterday as I was driving by his house, returning from the market with Mikaela we saw his wife out in their front yard picking weeds.  I thought for a moment to pull over and just make her aware of what her husband did.  But I stopped myself, because I wondered if she would give a damn at all.  My thinking on that was, she probably knows that this is exactly the sort of man she is married to, and would more than likely have zero empathy toward me, and would maybe event take the tact; “well I don’t know what you did to upset him.”  I mean, we’re living in the Trump days, where women went on camera during his campaign with legit news shows to tell the women who were accusing him of assault that they were, essentially, lying.  Sadly I don’t have much faith in the fact that women will have each other’s backs these days.  So with all this in mind, I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do about the video I have sitting in my phone.  My smoking gun as it were.

11 Comments

  1. Thanks for acknowledging, Shantelle, and yes, as reasonable, civil and responsible individuals we can agree to disagree. Still more good people than bad in this world of ours, thank God.

  2. I see what you’re saying Loretta, but let’s agree to disagree, and let’s also keep in mind that Trump campaigned for a solid 18 months with his “make America great again” hate filled, racist, divisive, empowering all the other like minded hateful misogynistic bigots feel like their outlook on the world was the right one. He gave all those basement dwelling hateful people a platform to run their mouths and their attitudes. This happened LONG before he won. It started as entertainment with The Apprentice, then it became “regular normal life” when he campaigned, and now he won. So my friend I disagree with you, I think the Trump era/days started LONG before he took office, but it is his winning the White House that has emboldened all men/people as hate filled as him to believe that they are right. In the USA and Canada I’m afraid.

  3. Am going to say this here, rather than more public Twitter, Shantelle. Your comment relating this behavior to “living in the Trump days”, plus Sally F. comment also blaming this on Trump leaves me shaking my head!!
    The previous blog you wrote about such terrible behavior was August 2016 well before the election when we didn’t imagine this guy would win (I am not happy about the win and his subsequent actions.) However, now seems every bad thing that happens in Canada is because of him?? Like, you have not had crime, road rage. racism, misogenism and other issues – guess Murdoch Mysteries stories are all just fantasy!
    If everything in Canada now revolves around Trump, I don’t understand what that says about your national character. End of my rant, but truly does make me go hmmmm

  4. To answer your query, Shantelle: NO REAL MAN would threaten a woman’s life over a lane change.
    I’ll say this: He better hope he never runs into Yannick…

  5. You have my “amen”. I pretty much deal with it the same way as you. The bird, the swearing, the not dwelling on it for more than a couple of minutes all within the confines of my car. I also pray that their inability to realize their craziness does not eventually cost someone else their life.

  6. Well, I would take it to the authorities. He threatened you with bodily harm! It’s called “Terroristic Threats”, by law!!! I do not believe that in Canada, one could get away with that kind of behavior. Let’s face it, if it were you or me, we’d have been arrested by now. My thought on this matter is the same as yours, he’s probably done this before and will do it again. He has to be stopped. Maybe he shouldn’t even be driving in the first place. He’s shown that he can’t handle traffic, for crying out loud!
    If we all don’t stand up to this kind of behavior, it will continue. I have a case in point. My neighbor, who is a cop in a poe-dunk country town, threatened my partner while she was outside gardening, all over trees that WE were having planted to close the property line HE cut all the tress down on. (which you are NOT allowed to do in this township). He bullied her for 3 days! Meanwhile, I’m working in Maryland, 2 hours away, and can’t do a damned thing about it. (Believe me, if I were out there, he either wouldn’t have said anything because he knows I don’t back down from a fight, or we would have been a nano meter from each other noses!) She was so traumatized that she wouldn’t leave the house! Then she was pressuring me to sell it! I was like, WHAT, are you kidding me?? I ended up getting a friend of hers involved who is a retired Detective Sargent and still active in the Fraternal Order of Police. After she spoke to her about it, my partner went to our local police and reported him. The cops came out to both houses, again, I’m in Maryland so I couldn’t be here but the Township Zoning officer was. This guy was so meek when the cops showed up saying “oh I didn’t think it was a big deal”. After accusing us of taking his land, for crying out loud! (we’ve lived here for 34 years). The Zoning Officer put him straight and the cop told him to never speak to us again! My partner’s friend, notified the F.O.P. of his behavior and he is being “watched”. Must have made an impression, he doesn’t even come over to our side of the property when we are outside.
    We’ve heard him screaming at his kids, his wife and God knows who else! I believe he is a misogynistic bully who was himself bullied in his childhood, judging by his skinny build!
    The moral of this story is, REPORT HIM!!!! Even if nothing happens, he will know he cannot act like that and get away with it!
    Be careful Shantelle, we live in a volatile world, now that Jackass as made bullying a common practice.

  7. It seems that having Trump “in control” (it’s obvious that he can’t control himself), has set our society back at least several centuries. I saw a documentary that said in the 1800’s, men would sell their wives for a pound! So now men are thinking it’s OK, and “normal” to abuse women. All I can hope is, that things will cycle around, and society will get better. At some point.
    Could you talk to a local news channel about it? They would have to blur his face, but maybe something good would come of it(?). I would advise against posting it on the internet; that might be throwing gas on the fire. I hope you don’t have any more bad experiences like that!

  8. Do you suppose this guy already knows who you are and where you live and thinks you think you are some entitled celeb and that’s why he went over the top? If you had a cop friend who could look at the tape and tell you if it’s worth it or not that would be helpful. It also might be nice to know if this guy really does have a gun. Since he’s a neighbor I do think it unwise to start a feud. They have a way of escalating. Actually, I can’t see any action on your part that won’t make this worse. Whatever you do he will feel justified in his initial reaction. Can you avoid his street? Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. Sorry. Probably not what you wanted to hear.

  9. This is such a sad statement on the state of affairs on our roads today. Driving to St. Jacob’s on Saturday morning, we encountered so many drivers who had no idea of the rules of the road or had any awareness of the other drivers around them. All in their own little world. I, like you talk to them A LOT ! In the privacy of my own vehicle and only in earshot of my passengers. My word of choice is A**Hole. But, have never chased someone down to harass them about their lack of driving skills, nor would I, mainly because I am female and in this day and age, a little fearful of the outcome. With the verbal threat issued to you however, makes me wonder. Did he know who you were? A neighbour? Did he do what he did because he knows you and YB and your more public lifestyle and that you would just let it slide without any consequences? You are certainly in a tough place, but given the circumstances and your long term peace of mind, it may be better to let him win the battle for the time being. Sometimes karma has a way of coming back to these kind of people. My husband’s son is a police officer and I will lay out this situation without any names or location and see the response I get! Hang in there, stay strong and hang tough. AND BREATHE! Hugs!

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