Remember when you were younger and couldn’t feel happy without your lover by your side?? Oh how times have changed.

There is something we must all get to a deep understanding of:  having a partner doesn’t make you whole.  Being in a relationship isn’t what gives you worth.  Having a “person” doesn’t bring you happiness.  There is a common misconception that most of us suffer from; and that is the one that teaches us that we only get our worth from the outside, from somebody else.  This is so not the case.  In fact, in my experience, which I’ve passed on to my girls is that often times a woman (in our case because we’re all female)does so much better when she relies solely on herself to take care of herself.  I’ve witnessed my daughters, watch friends of theirs become completely unglued because of a man/partner.  In my younger years, even younger than eighteen, which is how old I was when I started dating Yannick, I too was only good if my boyfriend was happy with me.  I even carried this attitude into the first ten years of my marriage.  So I totally get where those of you, who still battle with this are coming from.  I’ve always tried to impart to my girls that, yes, you might love somebody, and you might miss them when they’re not with you, but your world should not stop because they’re away on business, or holiday, or school far, far away from you.  Your worth, your esteem, your power, your zest for life shouldn’t hinge on the proximity of your lover.

Your joy should only ever be a direct co-relation of how deeply you’re loving, caring, and nurturing yourself.

Your happiness, contentment, success, and worth does not come from the outside.  And it sure as shit doesn’t come from a lover.  I get it, I’m a sucky girl.  I’m so needy, clingy, demanding of Yannick I’m surprised he has time to have a shower without me wondering what he’s doing, and why it’s taking so long.  I love him like crazy.  I’m completely connected, and obsessed with him.  But, I also need/want my alone and down time from him.  I like when he goes away, even if I insist he calls/texts/face times me as often as his schedule allows, I still like to sleep spread eagle across my bed.

I have my need of him in check.  Him being gone has no bearing on my productivity, or happiness.

So to the follower who asked me this question:  “IS HAPPINESS POSSIBLE WITHOUT THE LOVED ONE BY YOUR SIDE?”  My simple straightforward reply to this is yes, yes, HELL YES.  The key to having happiness without your loved one being with you is to find all the things you wish you could do with your life when your loved one is with you.  Meaning, you need to compile a list of the things you love to do that bring you joy, but drive your lover CRAZY.

For example.  I love to watch TV in bed, Yannick hates it.  Literally despises it.  So knowing that he is gone allows me to stockpile some binge TV watching in bed alone, or with one of our girls.  This makes me incredibly happy, and takes away the sting of him not being with me.  Another thing I love that he hates, is staying up late.  He’s an early to bed, early to rise person.  I’m a nighthawk, sleeping in sort of girl.  So when he’s not here, I languish in bed until whenever I decide to get up and go do some shit.  There’s also the bit of him not liking the dogs in the bed, I love having them in there with me.  So when I get home from my day, whatever time that might be where I know I don’t have to go back out, the bra comes off, the comfy clothes go on and the dogs and I climb into bed to binge watch whatever is on my list.  He likes to have “apertifs” at night, I’m cool without them, so I tend to eat less, and drink WAY less when he’s not home.  There are so many other things, like getting time with my girlfriends, writing, what have you, that I do way more of when he’s away.  The key to not only surviving when you’re loved one is away from you, but to THRIVE when they’re not around, is to have a change of attitude.  Look at all the things that feed your soul that get neglected when you’re part of duo.  Concentrate on enjoying all those things, and trust me, before you know it they’ll be back cramping your style and you’ll be thinking they weren’t gone quite long enough.

xo

SB

 

4 Comments

  1. So loved this post. If you are content with yourself it is much easier to face the awful day when you might lose your wonderful partner unexpectedly. It was terrible for me but I survived because I had finally learned that I could not only survive but thrive and know that is what he would want!!!

  2. Having met my hubby at 17, dated for 4 years, and, now being married for 35 years this summer, I identify. I was raised in the atmosphere of “a woman is nothing without a man”. I am slowly finding my own voice all these many years later. I specifically raised my daughter to be strong, independent, and compassionate, and now, at age 33 she’s amazing. Thank you for your wise words!

  3. Absolutely agree with you on this! When I was younger, not so much! I think this comes with maturity because I don’t know any young couple that doesn’t suffer from the angst of being apart. Life/careers have a way of pushing you to that mind-set. If I hadn’t come to that realization in my relationship, I would have never taken a job I absolutely loved, even though it was 130 miles away, and had to live out there during the work week. That move leap-frogged me to a 6 figure salary, which has only gotten higher since then. Now, I’m an Independant Contractor, a 1099 as we’re called, and couldn’t be happier, because it also allows me to separate myself from the constriction of being loyal to a company that doesn’t value me. (Which seems to be the way of things in the Corporate world these days).
    Once this realization comes, the world is your oyster. It seeps into every part of your life; contentment and confidence grows.

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