When you realize that saying yes is as easy as saying no, but the fun is in saying YES.

On Wednesday night many friends went to see the Boyz to Men, New Kids on The Block and Paula Abdul concert.  I thought about going.  I wanted to go, then I didn’t want to go, then I did want to go, then I didn’t.  I was going to look into tickets, and then I wasn’t, and then I was.  Then the evening came around, Yannick got home early, he, Mikaela and I went for a lovely dinner instead.  I had a wonderful evening.  Our dinner was perfect.  I was totally happy with my choice.  That is until I started watching the Instagram stories of the friends of mine who went to the concert.

Then I felt like I’d missed an opportunity.  The more I thought about it the more I tried to figure out why if I really hadn’t wanted to go to the concert was I so bummed out at not having gone???  Things that make me go “hmmm.”

So I started to explore within myself what had made me flip flop so much about going.  This is what I came up with.

  1. I love Boyz to Men, all like four of their songs that I actually know.  So I felt like I didn’t want to make the effort to see them.
  2.  Same applies with New Kids on the Block.  Don’t know enough of their songs to haul my ass all the way to the arena to sing along to a couple of songs.
  3. I’ve met Paula Abdul in person, she’s super sweet, like genuinely very nice, but same deal with her.  I like maybe a handful of her songs.
  4. Lately I’m not a fan of crowds.  I’d also much rather a lovely quiet dinner at one of my fave restaurants than to be standing in an arena with 18,000 people, all excited to be there, while I sing along to every third or fourth song.

So with these extremely valid reasons to NOT go, why was I feeling regretful about not going???

What I came up with was this.  I had my Year of Yes, which started in January 2016, and carries through until today.  My commitment with my Year of Yes was to say YES instead of NO.  And I’m proud to report that whenever I was invited to do something that normally would have been a no from me, I challenged and pushed myself to say yes.  What saying Yes has empowered me to do is to get out of my comfort zone when being asked to attend, participate, or support an event, an occasion or organization.  In the past my automatic response was “No.”  Mostly because, believe it or not I’m quite awkward in new settings.  I already don’t have time for all the people who matter to me, whom I love and want to spend time with.  Adding new relationships or groups to get involved with would only spread me thinner.  But, I decided to let these excuses take a back seat and saying “Yes” has opened an entire new world to me, and with that new friends.  What I found is that there really is enough of me to go around; if I’m organized with my time and myself.

From my Year of Yes I started a Year of Firsts; this has me doing things that scare me, or make me uncomfortable.  Like going to public events solo, without Yannick, a girlfriend or one of my girls as my sidekick.  Just me all by myself in a crowd, interacting, and being grown up.  This is HUGE for me, since I don’t like to go to these types of things even when I have somebody by my side.  Which got me thinking, isn’t me NOT going to the concert that I really wanted to go to, but didn’t go to because I couldn’t be bothered to deal with the traffic getting to the arena and leaving the venue, combined with dealing with the crowds, and the fact that I would have to put a bra on, technically not holding up my yes attitude and my year of first pledge?  I mean, it doesn’t really fall under saying “no” since I wasn’t invited to go with anybody else.  And it’s not actually a “first” because I’ve been to more concerts than I can count.  So then what is it??  If it’s neither of these things then why is that I feel like I’ve let myself down about???  What is it that bothered me about not going to that concert on Wednesday night???  I think it might be that it falls under the; not living fully in the moment and taking every opportunity to have an experience as it’s presented to you.

I think that that is what it is.  Ripping myself off without a rock solid reason why NOT to just go to the concert.

Let that be a lesson to not only me, but to all of you as well.  Buy the tickets.  Go see the show.

xo

SB

5 Comments

  1. I would have done the same as you and not go. Not really a fan of concerts. However I do commit to going to Bottlerock every memorial weekend mainly because it’s held in the town where I live. Ha ha.

  2. Dear Shantelle,

    Congratulations on your year of saying “yes”! It’s great that you are trying to seize different opportunities that excite you, as you did with the Toto concert. Everything ended up being in sync for you to be there, despite Yannick’s initial reluctance, and it all flowed smoothly, as if ‘meant to be’..

    I think you experienced a case of FOMO (a very “Gemini” type of thing), and that feeling of wanting to be in more than one place at one time. Here’s the thing – it was when you saw Instagram posts that this feeling arose – AFTER the actual event. It sounds to me that there were valid reasons for not going – knowing just a few songs by the different performers, for one – very unlike the case with Toto.

    I think intuition stopped you from going – always one’s best guide – because you were meant to enjoy a lovely dinner out with Mikaela and Yannick. Heart won over head. It certainly does not sound like you regretted that at all!

    Even though many different opportunities come your way, it doesn’t mean you have to say yes to every one. There is nothing wrong with wanting quality of experience, even though you are trying to keep saying yes. There is also an ‘opportunity cost’ of every such type of decision. If you had gone, (and been disappointed with your experience of the concert), you would have lost out on quality family time and a great evening out.

    I think you actually ended up with the best of both worlds – a lovely dinner out – and getting a ‘taste’ of the concert via Instagram, without the traffic, crowds, etc….a bit like still seeing it (however much) without all the hassle.

    And in the end, apart from everything else, we are human ‘beings’ as opposed to human ‘doings’. What REALLY fills your heart with joy, and is the most authentic thing for you at the time, is what is most important.

    God bless, love and hugs,

    Nattacia xox

  3. That temptation to “cocoon” will only grow as you age, so YES, do the tickets or whatever today, because tomorrow may feel like a “nah!”

  4. Okay, I see your point. But really, sometimes the “spirit” doesn’t move you. Sometimes you are just tired of fighting traffic all week and the assholes around you that DON’T know how to drive or be considerate of other drivers. Sometimes, no IS the answer. So don’t go beating yourself up or psychoanalyzing yourself. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to say yes or do something you wouldn’t normally do. But, sometimes you just need to be!
    I think you had a better time being with two of the four people you’d most love to be with. So you DID do something for yourself. You did what you wanted to do, what your gut wanted to do.
    Be glad, accept it and move on.

  5. Hard for me too but I’m doing it. Almost decided not to go to this year’s Purple Party when I found out date was changed and various other made up rezsons. Changed my mind so will see you on October 19th.

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