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If people can’t accept you the way you are, they’re the problem. Not you.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people can feel alright on any level being cruel to people they don’t know.  I have a hard time losing my cool, and letting my temper go along with my mouth, to the people I know and love.  Even though know if I mess up with them, they will find it in their hearts to forgive me.  That’s what we do right?  We extend grace to those around us when they hurt us.  But, what are we supposed to do when people who don’t know us, who we don’t have a relationship, or history with, decide to be cruel?  How do we let that go?  What do we need to do within ourselves so that we might process it, heal it, and let it go??

These are all things I’ve had to work on throughout my life.  I was bullied from fourth grade all the way to tenth grade.  So I know a thing or two about letting it go and living my life.  Often, the best “revenge” we can get on any bully is to continue living our lives in exactly the same free way we did the day before they decided to take their shit and dump it on us.  Because, the truth of the matter often is, people who bully have been bullied, or they’re so insecure within themselves, that they lash out to make themselves feel better about how awful they feel living in their skin.

Knowing this about bullies doesn’t make dealing with one, or in the case of my reader, Erica’s friend, any easier.  Today’s post is for you.  First things first, hello Erica it is nice to “meet” you!  I don’t believe I’ve read your name in the comment section before today, so HI!!  I must commend you for being an amazing friend.  Your comment has touched me so deeply that I couldn’t help but post about it as soon as it made its way across my desk.

I’m sad to hear how your friend has been treated on social media.  I have to say that the world of social media is not for the faint of heart, I don’t have any facial deformities, such as your friend, but somehow I too have received rude and hurtful comments on my feeds, that for a moment throw me for a loop.  People, as you know, and as your poor girlfriend knows even better, aren’t the best at minding their manners anymore.  The practice of “do unto others as you would have done to you” doesn’t seem to be the rule out there on the WWW.

So what to do?  When one is being bullied so mercilessly online, as you shared is the case with her.   Should anybody who is regularly being bullied stay on the platforms, or get off them?  There are many choices available to her, all depending on what she wants the end result to be.

First I think she should start by asking herself some questions:

  1.  Why does she want to be on social media?
  2.  What about being a part of that world appeals to her?
  3.  What positives is she getting from her time spent on social media?

These are just a few questions she should ask herself, hell I find myself asking myself these same questions!  Once she uncovers why it is important (or hell she might come to learn that it actually isn’t all that important to her) she can make the decision as to how she will return to social media.

If she loves it, and feels like she wants to be on social media despite the haters, then I say get back on it.  None of us should live our lives in a way that causes us to be unhappy because of a few ignorant people.  If her reasons for wanting to be on social media outweighs the negatives then I would suggest she get right back up, reinstate her accounts and live her life.  I’m of the mindset that what other people think about us is none of our business.  Nor are we likely to change anybody’s mind about how they view us, even though it would be so amazing if we could.  So at the end of the day it becomes a matter of whether or not she can stomach being abused by people she doesn’t even know.  A great to way to avoid people she doesn’t know being assholes toward her would be to make her accounts private.  Sadly, Twitter doesn’t have this option, but Instagram does, which is probably where she’s been posting her selfies anyway.  There’s no reason why she can’t be on social media, enjoy the aspects of the platforms that she loves without those who don’t deserve to be a part of her life being cruel to her.  A private account can allow her the best of both worlds.

Another thing she might want to look into is BOTOX, I quickly read up on whether or not BOTOX can help with your friend’s condition, and it seems like it might be able to.  Might be something she wants to look into.  Also, when BOTOX is used in a medical situation many health plans will cover it.

She might also consider being an advocate for her condition, and posting all the selfies she damn well pleases of herself and drawing awareness to her condition.  This would empower not only her, but all the other people who suffer from FSH Muscular Dystrophy.  Now wouldn’t that be the sweetest way to handle assholes on the internet?  Take their cruelty and allow it to make you stronger.  If I were her, that would be my response to all the narrow minded folks who can only see beauty in one type of face.

Good luck to your friend, and please keep me posted about what she decides to do!

xo

SB

 

 

 

 

4 Comments

  1. I want to say a great big “Hi!” to Danielle and Erica! Hello, ladies! I’m glad that you are seeing that not everyone out there in the world of social media are jerks 🙂

    Shantelle, your headline for this post speaks volumes, and it’s absolutely true. When people say horrible and mean things about others, it says more about them than it could ever say about their intended target. It was true on the playground when we were children and it’s certainly true now. It’s true when you’re face-to-face and it’s even more true when the cowards hide behind their keyboards.

    I’m not naive enough to think that everything in the world would be fixed if we were all just nicer to each other. But damn, isn’t worth a shot? One step at a time …

  2. Thanks Mrs Bisson! I’m Danielle (my friend Erica wrote the message to you), your post made me happy! i have to admit the comments just got to me and I just needed to take a step back for a bit. I do like the idea of using the platforms to make people see people with disabilities can live their lives and enjoy it.

  3. Wonderful post. I don’t understand why people cannot be kind to one another. It is one thing to have an opinion and to disagree on issues and state divergent opinions, respectfully. That is what keeps this world so interesting.

    It is another thing to be mean to people, to say nasty things, to do nasty things. I don’t understand why. Maybe I do understand why. It is so easy to hide behind social media as the people don’t seem real, do not have the “face” so it is easy to be the troll and to be nasty. If a person only has something nasty to say, just don’t say it. I think that is the best rule of thumb. As Mrs. Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility said “If you have nothing nice to say, talk about the weather”. 🙂

    I thought your suggestions were wonderful and I hope that Erica’s friend can figure out what she wants to do and it works for her. All the best to her.

  4. Maybe it’s my age but I cannot imagine posting something on social media that I would not say to a person’s face. How did this kind of cruelty get so out of hand?

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