There is very little that I am ashamed of, but I’m ashamed to admit that for the first time in my life I sat and watched the entire season of one of those fake horrible reality series. Until now I’ve managed to not cave into the falsities of contrived television. That is until, almost exactly, one year ago, when my middle girl and I were chilling in the Cali house together alone. Mikaela had moved back into her townhouse, YB was in Toronto filming Murdoch so we cozied in together and sat and watched Bachelor in Paradise together.
This is where I “meet” the mess that was Nick.
Then they announced that he would be the next Bachelor. And well I just had to watch.
I didn’t commit to him, I didn’t watch every episode, but I popped in on occasion to see what the hell was going on in Nick, and if I’m being completely honest; Corinne with the Platinum Vagine, quest for love. Between her and him, the emotionally vapid drama queen’s quest to find love, I watched more of it than I care to admit. Nick was desperately looking to find his one true love that would lead to marriage, and Corinne, well she was just damn good television. I think Paradise was something like his third kick at the love can. Surely he would finally find the love he desired, deserved and craved on this incarnation of fake love television.
Sadly he did not. Which is why he was fortunate enough to be given the honor to try one more time when they crowned him The Bachelor.
But I watched and friends, this is where Rachel came from. The educated one, she’s a lawyer for crying out loud, the beautiful African American woman who almost won Nick’s heart; she was the second runner up. She finished third. And then they named her this years Bachelorette. And I was hooked, because I found her interesting, smart, and stunning. I truly couldn’t figure out why such an accomplished, well raised young woman like her would have need for a fake competition show to assist her in finding love. So to my shame friends, I watched. For the first time ever I sat and watched every single episode. I didn’t miss a week. Mikaela and I sat and yelled at the television screen week after painful week as she made it glaringly clear that she needed this show because she has the absolute WORST TASTE IN MEN. She has no bullshit meter, in fact of the the three men who ended up in her top three I can honestly there was only one who seemed to have his head screwed on straight, and who wasn’t handing her a goods of BS, and it wasn’t the man she picked. She picked the one guy who is a complete and utter knob.
Like he is as fake as his cheek implants, his hair dye and his Botoxed forehead. I don’t wish ill on anybody, but Rachel, I suggest you end this sham of an engagement to Bryan long before his overbearing, weirdly obsessed mother finds a way to paint you in a corner that you cannot get out of. As Daenerys is suggesting to Jon Snow…”bend the knee before it gets bent for you.” Meaning get out first, don’t be the one to get egg on your face when Bryan breaks up with you because his “mama don’t like you…”
Anyway, apparently the ratings were way down this year, which makes me feel somewhat vindicated knowing that there aren’t many new people coming to the well. Perhaps with Ass Pimple sitting on the throne of the free world, and all the shallowness, emptiness, hate, and ugliness that comes with his leadership people are done with backstabbing, fake, hollow television. Perhaps global consciousness is being elevated and the masses will start looking for quality even in their entertainment. I’ve never watched any of the shows that focus on the ugliness of competition, such as Big Brother, Bachelor, Bachelorette, I was always more interested in shows like American Idol, Fear Factor and Most Extreme Elimination Challenge if I was watching reality television. If I was going to watch that sort of television it had to have some redeeming qualities to it. But, I was sucked in for a short time out of curiosity, into the seedy underworld of the Bachelor franchise. I have been adequately satiated and will now turn my attention to binge watching series that not only pique my curiosity, but also my intellect. Bachelor in Paradise Season 4 will have to carry on without me.