From the blog

Looking back would I go back and slow down my lightening speed relationship with Yannick? Definitely not.

The responses to yesterday’s WWYDW were pretty much what I expected them to be.  They were almost verbatim what my mom did/said when I turned up pregnant within the first six months of dating Yannick.  What can you do when two adults fall in love and go through all the steps at Mach 10?

Nothing.

You support them, and give them the space they need to live their lives, this includes any possible long term mistakes based on moving too fast.

In the case of Ariana and Pete what’s to be done?  They’re adults, and in their case both independently wealthy, so seriously what can you do as their parents???  In our case we were nineteen, so not quite adultish, but Yannick had been living on his own since he was fifteen, I was living at home prior to moving in with him, but had been working since I was twelve, and both of us felt adult enough.  Looking back now it’s quite obvious that we were so NOT adults…like at all.  There was so much more to do, to see, to learn.  And most of what we did in those early years was just make a mess that we would then spend later years cleaning up.

If I could go back, would I change a thing?  I have to honestly say that no I wouldn’t, because if I did then would my life be what it is today?  Would I have the three girls that I love more than anything on earth?  Probably not.

I truly believe that if Yannick and I hadn’t moved so fast we wouldn’t be together today, and there would be no girls, or family.  I don’t know where we might have ended up, but I’m certain it wouldn’t be where we both, as individuals, currently are.  Which if I’m being bold is a pretty awesome place to be.

So then what?  What would I do if one of my two remaining unmarried daughters turned up with a fiance after three weeks of dating??

Well for starters I would ask a lot of questions.  Like a lot of questions.

I would encourage them to move slowly from the stage of ENGAGEMENT IN THREE WEEKS to walking down an aisle.

I would undoubtedly recommend that they follow the same path we did, AFTER we became pregnant, which was to stay living together, get to know one another, and then in time IF they find they’re still in love and that they still want to “do this” then go ahead and get married.

Love and lust make the sparks fly, and the brain cells, AKA healthy decision making definitely a back seat.  Obviously it’s super important to get to know the person you’re going to marry.  Find out if they’re somebody you could spend the rest of your life with, for better or for worse.  It’s mandatory to figure out if when you fight, you can come back from the fights.  I’ve said it a million times that Yannick and I had very different fighting styles, and he had to teach me how to fight fair so that he could stay in a relationship with me.  We took the time to learn about each other, rather than get married within months of dating because I was pregnant.  I’m not saying that taking those extra fourteen months protected us from the almost too difficult and painful shit to come, since there’s no amount of living together, or time passing that can help you deal with the unknown, until the unknown comes your way.  Which is why if you’re going to go fast, I think you need a good couples counselor, and a good lawyer, just in case…

2 Comments

  1. I do love your blog.
    My roommate from college does costumes for stage and film. I enjoy hearing how lovely a person is or what a nightmare they are..but as people. As much as I admire you and YB , acting is a job for you. This whole” spin cycle” publicists create is essential to a career but hard to back away from.. a double edged sword, if you will. Sadly, too many people have so little in their lives that they latch on to celebrities with full blown delusions. My friends think I’m insane when I go on and on about a performance. I am obsessed with the art& appreciate a job well done. I left the ” hot” sightings back with my Tiger Beat mags.

  2. I agree, be supportive and try to nudge them to taking time to get to know one another. Whether it’s a Mach 10 relationship or one that took several years before tying the knot, either can end abruptly or last a lifetime. I was engaged at 6 months and married 1 year later. No children though. It ended after 7 years. I always say “ if I only knew then what I know now, I would have never married him. There were signs that I ignored that in the end mattered greatly.
    My mother used to say “ we make plans, and God laughs”. Meaning, your life has a predestined path, whether you choose to listen to it or ignore it. You were meant to be where you are! I firmly believe that! So Shantelle and Yannick, you two were meant to be, create the people you created, have the life you worked hard for. Your children were created for a reason the universe needs.

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