From the blog

Who knew having happy married sex would trigger some people???

Jesus H Christ, and good Lord Almighty!  I am stunned, honestly, sometimes the innocent, or what I think are innocent blogs that I write about what makes me go “hmmm” open up such a can of worms that I, who is incredibly difficult to shock, becomes so shocked that I’m left not only wondering the WTF, but I have to ask myself WTAF is going on here???  The point of yesterday’s blog was actually not about YB and me having sex, that was simply the segue for the topic at hand.  And the topic of the blog actually was:  HOW MUCH TIME IS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TIME TO HANG OUT AFTER YOU HAVE SEX.

I didn’t discuss any details about the sex I had, it was simply what got me thinking about the topic, that became the blog.  Which I try desperately to keep under 1000 words, for your sake and mine, and was a commentary on what I’ve heard so many single girlfriends, discuss over the years.  How much time after sex is the appropriate amount of time to spend with somebody before a) either they would leave the building, or b) they would feel comfortable with their sexual partner leaving.  I’ve been with YB for almost thirty years now, we’ve lived under the same roof for most of that time, so, I have not had to wonder about that ever in my relationship.  Often during these conversations I’ve felt unrelatable to my single friends, that is until yesterday.  Our kids are grown, nobody is at home this weekend, and like any healthy, normal, loving couple we made love.

Man oh man how this has upset SOOOOO MANY PEOPLE.

Like really?

Seriously?

I don’t get it.  I don’t understand our new culture:  “WAH, you’re writing/commentating/ on something that I’m uncomfortable about, let me keep reading then attempt to drag you on social media.”  Why?  Why are some people this way? Don’t read it.  Change the channel.  Unfollow.  I mean the power is fully within your own control as to what you watch, read and subscribe to.  So why continue down a path that doesn’t feel good to you?  Better yet, why attempt to shame or crucify the person who you don’t align with?  It’s mind boggling.  I don’t get it.  It’s bizarre and strange behaviour.

What I also find strange is that some of you are bothered by the fact that somebody you watch on TV, who is faithfully married, has three children (so you know he must have had sex at least three times in his life) has sex with his wife?

For real?

I’m not even kidding, how are people upset by this, now, publicly known fact.  You’re all fine to watch him play a guy on TV who is “fake married” where on his TV show they allude to the fact that he and Julia have sex, but you’re not okay with the knowing that he has sex with his real life wife.

Why not?

Is sex dirty to you?  Are you ashamed of sex?  I just don’t understand the cause for uproar.  To me, and Yannick, sex is not only natural, but it is one of the most beautiful, and important parts of being an adult. When life is tough, as it often is, and you feel like things aren’t going your way, the greatest part of being in a loving healthy relationship is being able to fall into your partners arms and make love.  Love making makes everything shitty in the world slip away.

When our girls were younger we would allow them to see romantic comedies with us.  There would be kissing, and often some hint of a sexual relationship within the context of the film.  We were members of a non-denominational church at the time, and I remember we would get pulled into “meetings” and be questioned by our “higher ups” about why we thought it appropriate for our girls to be “exposed” to this type of behaviour.  To which Yannick and I were always perplexed.  Like how is this a question.  Why would we not want our kids to see what love is like?  I mean we’re not talking pornos, we’re talking romantic comedies people.  Any time we were questioned on this topic we always replied with the same answer:

“Well you let you kids play video games, and watch movies where people kill one another.  What about murder is natural?  When do you suspect in your kids life time that they will ever need to know how to murder somebody???”  Stunned silence.  Because hello, we all know killing people is so not a normal way for a human being to behave.  But being in love, making love to the person you’re in love with?  Hell yeah, it is not only normal it is a sign of a healthy loving relationship, and don’t we all strive to have those?!?

So, the bigger question I have for all the people so upset with me admitting on a public forum that I still make love to my husband on a regular basis, is this:  what about me doing so is really the issue?  You’re own unhealthy relationship with sex?  Or your jealously with the fact that it is me making love to him, and not you?

Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm.

13 Comments

  1. Some people just HAVE to comment on everything others do or say! Not much of a life, but perhaps that’s all they have–poor souls. Guess you just have to let it roll off.

  2. If both people in a relationship are OK with such points being discussed publicly, then go for it. If one of you is uncomfortable with being so public, then it’s probably not OK. In your case, it seems like the former.

  3. Are they kidding? Truly. Does YB and SB having a wonderful ADULT relationship cause them such distress that they must become trolls? Then I have one thing to say to them…..GROW TF UP!!!
    Congratulations to you and your sweet husband that you still find joy in your time together.

  4. I just don’t get why a some people were so upset. If I had to guess why, I would expect it is because they do not have sex in their relationships. And if they do, it is just that, sex, and not making love. It is your blog and I for one was happy to read about such a wonderful start to your day. I am sometimes late for work but it is still a great way to get up in the mornings Anyway we have been married 51 years and we still make love. OMG, I just put that out there in a public forum. Oh My😮 Sometimes in the morning and sometimes at night. Oh My.
    You keep sharing whatever it is that you want to share. And most of us will be continuing to follow it all,

  5. Honestly I wasn’t offended, I was just way too much information from you. Yeah, you did detail it a bit. Yes, your husbands an actor but you have now made him very real in a profession that asks you to suspend your disbelief.

    However, I am offended by today’s column. Thanks for brushing us all with the same brush. It has nothing to do with being jealous that you’re banging Yannick on a regular basis or that we have an unhealthy view of sex. It’s just something you don’t just display in our world and in fact feels very much to me as a violation into your privacy. So then to be told “what’s wrong with you”, well I guess you’re just a better person than I because you’re so honest.

  6. Okay, I think I’ve stopped laughing long enough to be able to type something …

    What the everlovin’ hell is wrong with people?!? You share EVERYTHING very openly and honestly on your blog. This should come as NO surprise to anyone who reads it. You are also married – no surprise to anyone. Married people will sometimes have sex – again, this should come as no surprise. To anyone. Sex between two consenting people (married or not, same sex or not) is a natural, wonderful, endorphin-filled joyride. It is human nature. It is not shameful nor rude and the more people that realize this, the better off we’d all be.

    Michael and I often giggle when reading about your exploits together, whatever they may be, because they resonate with us. It’s fun to know you’re people, regular people, going about your life, having the same difficulties and successes that others have. And here’s a little something for those stuffy readers … WE TWO READERS HAVE SEX PRETTY REGULARLY, TOO! For shame!

    Lighten up, folks. YB and SB aren’t sacrificing virgins, nor are they summoning the demons from hell. They are enjoying one of life’s most wonderful gifts.

  7. I would say that you were being your own frank and honest self. I was mildly surprised by the Instagram post, until I realized it was yours! But I wouldn’t say I was offended, just curious to read more. Some of the criticisms could be from good ole #45’s influence of putting everyone in sight down. He’s a sniggering idiot; I try to ignore him as much as possible.

  8. It’s interesting, really. I wonder if it’s along the lines of how many people (myself included I’ll admit) prefer to ignore that their parents have sex.

    I mean, it’s ridiculous that anyone following the two of you on various platforms would ever *not* reach the conclusion that your relationship is active on all levels, including physical. You’re both relatively young, healthy and judging from all kinds of posts still absolutely crazy about each other.

    Still, Yannick’s most famous role is on an 8pm family- friendly TV show that only rarely winks at physicality, and people are infamous at being unable to separate performers from roles.

    Weird what’ll start a tempest in a teapot, ya know?

  9. It can only be that people are upset you get to have sex with YB and they don’t. 🙂

  10. Oooooo! Yeah girl! You tell em! I think it is not only wonderful, but exceptional that your almost 30 years together still gets the fire burning! I think there are a lot of jealous people out there, that cannot relate to natural, intimate coupling! Why? Because they either don’t have it now, or NEVER had it!
    You just stay as open, honest and loving as you are Shantelle! You are the real deal and so is your relationship! You just keep being true! I love you and YB and I’m behind you 1000%!

  11. Kudos!!!!! Love reading your blog. Admire your honesty. Wish I had the guts to write my thoughts but I don’t. Sad, I know, but true.

  12. In my not important opinion several things come to mind 1. You can write about anything you want 2. However blogs of personal opinion seems to invite replies -many of which come from people who don’t agree etc . They’re the ones who usually reply or comment 3. Personally, I found this particular blog just a bit TMI but so what ? I think you can have a healthy attitude about marital sex without telling personal details but each to his own. Though I slightly disagree with personal revelations in this area it was some of the replies that made me go ewwwww or hmmmmm

  13. What the what?!?! Lighten up, people, and read the WHOLE blog, not just the ‘I had sex with my husband’-bit!

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