Just because somebody looks like they don’t have a story, doesn’t mean they don’t.

My heart is incredibly heavy today.  The title of my blog today is a line from the speech I gave at Boost for Kids when I shared about my sexual abuse as a child.  “Just because somebody looks like they don’t have a story, doesn’t mean they don’t.”

How broken, discouraged, hopeless and tortured must one be to end their own life.  I can’t imagine the suffering Kate Spade must have been dealing with, and the complete lack of faith that Anthony Bourdain must have both been feeling to take their lives.  From the outside, both looked like their lives were perfect.  Both accomplished.  Both revered and admired in their industries.  Loved by many.

I suppose at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter about all the outward prosperity you have, or how much you’re adored and cherished, even if it is by millions.  If you have no love for yourself, or if you cannot accept and process your own self worth, then all the money, fame, and adoration cannot save you.

I pray for change to come.

I pray for our governments to recognize that mental health is a serious health issue that needs more funding.

I pray that those who were close to Kate and Anthony have their beautiful, happy memories to carry them through these next days, weeks, months, and years without them.  Especially both their young daughters.  May they be surrounded by love, comfort and strong family members who can love them through these dark days.

Everybody Hurts by REM has been playing over and over in mind today…

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this life
Well hang on
Don’t let yourself go
‘Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on)
(Hold on) if you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you’ve had too much
Of this life
Well, hang on
‘Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don’t throw your hand
Oh, no
Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone
No, no, no, you’re not alone
If you’re on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you’ve had too much
Of this life
To hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts
You are not alone
If only Kate and Anthony felt like there was somewhere they could go, somebody they could turn to.  For now I’m going to try to focus my thoughts on how much better they both made the world while they were in it.  If you, or anybody you know and love is suffering with mental illness that is pushing them to thoughts of suicide, help them, even if they push you away.  Even if they tell you they’re okay, stand your ground and be their light in the dark.  In Canada call:  Centre for Suicide Prevention 1-833-456-4566
May Kate and Anthony be finally at peace now.


  1. When I hear of celebrities taking their own lives, I will admit that the first thing I think of is how angry I am. Angry, because here are people who have the means to get help for themselves – when so many are struggling and can’t afford the help they need. I get angry because I don’t understand, and “anger” is easy. It’s natural. But the anger goes away, and then I’m left with the feeling that no matter what you have or don’t have, at the end of the day *anyone* can feel this desperate.

    People (read: me) will say, “If you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out.” The truth is, many cannot reach out. They need YOU to reach IN. Until our government can get a better handle on how mental health = health, I think we could all do better by our fellow humans by trying to reach in more often. I know I will.

  2. There was a time when i felt like the world would be so much better off without me. I had heard “you need to snap out of it” and “i don’t know what your problem is. you have everything handed to you.” one time too many. I tried but it wasn’t meant to be. After a while i began to realise what i would have missed….my sister’s children, graduation from college, home ownership. My life isn’t perfect but i’m still living it.

    In case anyone would believe that i am either self-congratulatory or unaware of the effects of suicide, i have been on both sides. My oldest brother committed suicide.

  3. Once there was a man, who felt, his life is empty, without any sense, so he wanted to end it. The day he decide to commit suicide, his sister was visited him with her three-year-old son and asked him to take care of the boy while she is shopping. The man was so depressed, that he couldn’t conceal what he was going to do, so he told it to the little boy. The boy replied, „All right, Uncle George, but you have to do it fast, because I need you to play with me after then.”
    Almost everybody in trouble has a family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, who can say, „we need you”.
    There might be so many people in the world living with suicidal thoughts, whether they are known or not. Suicide of a known person can be so much harder to push the others to do the same.
    I wish strength and perseverance for everyone who has mental patients among their loved ones.

    Your blog is wonderful, Shantelle, congratulations.

  4. Thank you for your thoughts. I have felt so angry that people who commit suicide forget about the people they leave behind. The young children needed them as parents and they both bailed. I can understand that things get tough, but the duty to raise the children you brought into the world must also come into consideration. I find it really difficult to understand how someone can be that low that they think their life doesnt matter. People around them love them, but that is not enough. It is so tragically sad.

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