I’ve recently learned a few things about relationships. Primarly that I cannot expect people to behave in a way that I would in a situation, and that I cannot expect them to see things as I do.
My mother used to always say; “I don’t expect very much, and therefore I’m never disappointed.” I used to turn my nose up at her for thinking this way. In my mind I very much felt like; “If you don’t expect much, you’ll never get, or have much.” But, now I fully understand what she was saying. All these years later, an argument over the weekend with YB taught me exactly what it was my mother was saying. She didn’t mean that I shouldn’t expect much of myself, or that I was to go through this life not putting my best foot forward, or doing good for the planet, and the people I love. What she meant was that when you ‘let go’ of the expectations you have toward others, life goes much more smoothly, for YOU. Because we all know one thing for certain, the only person continuing to be upset over a situation hurts in the end, if you DON’T let go. Is you.
This little nugget of life gold has by far been the most difficult one for me to master, and I still have a long way to go on getting a handle on it, as this past week has taught me. You see, I’m the sort of woman that is incredibly idealistic; if you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you will know that this is as clear as the nose on my face. I don’t like people to disrespect people they don’t know, i.e wait staff, or cashiers. I don’t like men who think they can strike a strange woman, and set that example to a large group of young children in their presence. And, I think it is wrong when women/men knowingly go after a person who is already in a committed relationship. I am a black, or white, sort of person. I’m not saying this is the right way to be, or even that it is a good way to be. I’m simply saying that I am this way.
Now, over time, I’ve learned to bend, and allow myself to live in some grey areas, and to accept grey in other people. But for the most part, I’m very, very much dead set on certain things; and you will never, ever present any case, or argument to get me to see the above three mentioned things in any other light, than ‘hell no.’
Even though I’ve made strides to be more accepting of the differences in the people I know, whether it be intimate relationships like the ones I have with Yannick, my girls, my family, and my ride or dies, or my more casual relationships, I will say that from time to time I’m still blindsided by choices that the ones closest to me might make. That despite my best attempt to not allow myself to be shattered by an unintentional misstep, by my closest relationship, the one I have with my husband, from time to time, it still happens.
So what’s a girl to do if even twenty nine years later, she can still be deeply disappointed by her lover, her partner, her one?
Well, what I’ve learned this past week is that said girl needs to remember, that it’s not in the hands of others, no matter how close the relationship is to create peace in my soul. It’s not whether or not my partner, responds to a situation the way I would, or the way I would like them to that should steal my joy. Peace, joy, and strength is all within each and every one of us, and if we’re connected to it, then nothing anybody else says, or doesn’t say; does or doesn’t do can rock me, or you. I forgot that for a moment, and for a moment, my heart was burdened. That was until talks with two of my ride or dies, and my mother’s words came to me, and I let go of the expectations that I had for that particular situation, and found my happiness once again.
I’ll never stop going “hmmm” that even twenty nine years into a relationship there is still so much ‘letting go’ that needs to happen. I suppose the bottom line is, that as long as two people from different backgrounds, with different upbringings, and those damn closeted ‘expectations’ are living under one roof, there will forever and always be bumps along the road. How, as a couple you deal with them, is what really shows what your love is made of, in my opinion.