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Is hoping the convicting people on social media pendulum swings to the middle, too much to ask for this Christmas?

I’m probably not going to win friends or influence people with this post, but I’ve been avoiding writing this blog for weeks.  Every single time I’ve gone to sit down and write, what is supposed to be my daily blog, I’ve hit delete, delete, delete and ended up with nothing.  Part of it has to do with how friggin sick I’ve been since last Monday.  I know they say in marriage you’re supposed to share everything, but this flu is one of those things I really wish YB had kept to himself.  I mean I know it tis the season, but seriously, I would have preferred receiving something else “under the tree” thank you very much.  But I digress, the point of all this is that not only have I been sick, but I’ve tried to dance around the real blog that has been brewing in my heart.  I will do this no longer.  In order to move past this self imposed writers block I’m just going to put it out there, and let the comments, the follower fallout, and the judgements fall where they may.

I will preface it with a disclaimer:  I am a sexual assault survivor.  I’m one of those women who never told anybody in my family about what happened to me, until I had healed it.  Up until my mid-thirties, my ride or die best friend was one of a few people who knew what happened to me.  When you’re raped, assaulted, or violated you don’t tell people.  The biggest reason you don’t tell is because someway, somehow, you believe that you’re the reason that these things happened to you.  Especially in my case when they seemed to happen over, and over again.  Obviously when the same thing happens to you more than once, surely it had everything to do with you.  Which means that I must have in somehow invited it into my life.

Knowing this, and having felt like that myself, helps me to not only understand, but empathize with the women/men who have been raped/assaulted yet never tell anybody about it.  That is until now.  Until the recent whistle blowers of decades of sexual harassment in the workplaces of entertainment, politics and journalism came forward.  Time even named them their Persons of the Year, these Silence Breakers.

I love that.  I love every single thing about this.  I love that my three girls will most likely not have to deal with people being sexually inappropriate toward them in their place of employment.  I can’t wait to hear that my granddaughters, should I have any of those, might NEVER deal with it.  These are powerful amazing times we’re witnessing, and I for one am deeply thankful for the women who were bold enough to come forward.  But, (and here it is, the place where I might just find myself in the deepest part of the ocean of trouble)when can the daily headlines of yet another man being inappropriate come to an end?  Better yet, when will the pendulum swing to the middle.  I don’t ever want to see it go back to where it came from, but it would be nice if maybe, just maybe, we could land in a place where due diligence does its thing.  You know, maybe land somewhere along the lines where a person who is being accused by a victim, so the victim goes to the authorities, files a charge against an attacker, and an investigation gets started?  May we have a little faith, that now that all this amazing ground work has been laid more voices will be heard, and justice will be served?  I would much rather see this start to happen rather than what seems to be the daily dumping of it onto social media where everybody is considered guilty, until proven innocent.

I mean is that too much to ask?  That we just progress to a place where when a person, male or female, walks into their local police station, that their claims against somebody sexually assaulting them are met with immediate and the start of a swift investigation of the claims.  Rather than being swept under the rug, and the attackers continue to get away with their inappropriate behaviour?

I’m not saying that women need to stop seeking justice.  I’m just noticing that, similar to what happened to Keaton, we seem to be on a little bit of a tear, where women can just accuse somebody on their social media feeds and men lose their jobs, in some cases their marriages, and pretty much everything.  This all happens so quickly that I just wish that everybody would catch their breath and handle it in a way that was more along the lines of trusting the justice system a little bit more.  I’m not saying that guilty men shouldn’t pay, not at all.  I’m just saying that in many cases we’re now seeing men who didn’t do the things they’re being accused of being dragged through the social media mud without a fair trial.  Men who are guilty should have the wrath of hell come down on them, I couldn’t agree more.  But for those men who are being accused by women who might simply be pissed because they gave a lead actor a blow job in a hotel suite but didn’t get that part in his next film he promised them, these “victims” are doing more damage to the authentic claims than they are to their own reputations.  So thanks to them I’d love nothing more than the due diligence of justice to bring about some balance to this online public “court room” every single accused person is being judged in.

I have so many feelings toward women who make false claims, of which there are sadly far too many out there, that I honestly cannot even start or we’ll be here all night.  I just beg our society to find some balance, in all things actually, including this one. Is that too much to wish for heading into 2018???

8 Comments

  1. I agree with you 100% There are cases where what had probably been seen as a harmless joke or even a flattering comment at the time of occurrence by both parties is now being reported as something much worse and losing a man (usually) his career and life. Cooler heads need to prevail to root out these things before more innocent parties suffer. There will always be some sexual tension between men and women and that isn’t all bad. However, there needs to be a place of safety and control available that will result in fewer victims.

  2. You certainly have not lost this of.lower for this post. I found myself getting numb to all of it, because it is pushed on my face on media everyday. Absolutely the abuse need a to stop o]oin all areas, show business, corporations, Congress. And these women have been very brave combing forward. hop[efully that pendulum will swing back toward the middle and those who claim they are being falsely accused are at least given a chance to prove it before losing everything, If true, they deserve to lose everything for sure.
    Hopefully 2018 will bring that balance thanks you for putting so well…AGAIN

  3. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have wrestled and wrangled over all of this knowing full well that while most of the accusations are absolutely well-founded (with copious amounts of proof and witness), there is still the possibility of false accusations. There is – it’s because we are human. Yes, we women have been unduly hard-done-by in this way forever, but that doesn’t preclude someone from claiming falsities and thereby destroying someone’s life. What is called for is due diligence, absolutely. Until due diligence – on ALL sides – becomes the norm, this will keep happening, and socila media is a quick and easy tool to harm someone in the hardest and fastest way. False accusers sadly don’t seem to care that they are taking away from the movement at large. Yes, it’s a tiny group. But they take time, energy, attention, resources and, for lack of a better word, faith away from the task at hand. Let’s hope that pendulum swings back to middle ground sooner rather than later.

  4. I agree with Kate. Until we have more women in these positions of power will justice be fairly served to both the accused and accuser. My collegue and I were just talking about this at lunch today. It’s about time the women abused had their justice. But what about the gold diggers? You know they’re out there, throwing shade on the truthful. Social media is taking the place of judge and jury today. It has to swing back to a more normal/middle ground in order for there to be be true progress. Let’s hope that day will come swiftly.

  5. Once again – very well written. There is no “real” discussion going on right now because unless you have the exact same opinion as some of the people “leading” this cause, then they blast/shame and tell you to shut up. Without conversation, there is no change.
    Pendulum swing to the middle – yes, yes yes.

  6. False accusations are a problem. Sex should never be a deal. You do this for me and I’ll do that for you. So I think your example of the lead actor and blow job is flawed in that it sounds like a deal and I think the woman might fairly claim sexual blackmail. But if it was just a bit of fun, no promises made, and she was a willing participant, then you’re absolutely right. Lots of women have falsely accused for revenge. Happens all the time in ERs. So you’re right. They do tarnish legitimate cases of abuse. But it won’t stop. Abuse cases need to be treated as crimes and investigated like any other crime with evidence etc. and no bias on the part of police or prosecutors, judges and juries. This can only happen when we have more women in all those positions.

  7. This is something I devoutly hope will happen in 2018. We cannot continue to try and convict everyone on social media.

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