Hey, getting pregnant is AMAZING, congratulations if you are. But, a friendly reminder, billions have done it before you. Please keep your cool.

Alright, here we go.  I feel as though it’s necessary to expand on my views/support of the article written by the New York Post writer, Naomi Schaefer Riley, “Having a baby isn’t a miracle and doesn’t make you a goddess” that I tweeted last night.  My non-fiction book, HOW TO RAISE YOUR KID WITHOUT LOSING YOUR COOL, which, by the way is done, and I’m currently doing an edit on before I begin submitting it, YAY ME, touches on this exact point.

The one point in which I disagree with Naomi on is her saying that having a a baby isn’t a miracle, but I agree wholeheartedly with the rest of her piece.  For me, I strongly feel that having a baby IS a miracle.  I’m mean technically I get that it is just science.  This sperm meets this egg, the cells multiple and create this living being; and I know that every single species on the planet has the ability to pro-create, so we humans aren’t that special in our own abilities to do the same thing.  Therefore on one hand it is NOT a miracle, but on the other hand so many women, and men, for one reason or another have bodies that are unable to partake in the science/miracle of making babies.  So I get why many people, who have suffered with the inability for many years do very much feel that when it does finally happen for them, that it is a miracle.  I respect that, and I get that.  Therefore it is in my humble opinion that the making of a baby is the one time we humans actively partake in a miracle, and I’m sticking to that.

But as far as the other bullshit I see taking place with women who get pregnant these days, I have to say, some of you just need to STOP.  Not slow down.  Not catch your breath.  You need to flat out STOP.  Stop with the bump cradling, I see you, you are pregnant.  Stop with the special parking.  You know who needs special parking?  Mothers who have survived teenage years, we should have special parking!  You’ll know what I’m talking about once you’ve lived through it.

Look, I’m not a cold hearted bitch, I get it, maybe it took you a while to find your person, so you’re at an age where you weren’t even sure you could have a baby, and now you’re pregnant, and that is truly wonderful, it really is.  For every single woman out there who is the woman who wants children, I truly pray, and send out to the universe that your heart’s desire will be given to you, and that one day you have babies.  But, for the love of God when you at long last do, please, please, PLEASE keep your COOL, and remind yourself that yes this pregnancy is a blessing.  Yes, it is a miracle to be having a child when so many others cannot.  Yes you’re to be excited, grateful, and honored.  But it does not mean that we, the rest of society must stand by and worship your pregnancy right along with you.  It really doesn’t.

I for one won’t worship your pregnancy, I didn’t even hold my own in such high regard, why would I do it for you?  Listen, I’m happy for you, I truly am, I’ve been blessed to have three healthy beautiful children of my own, and in my desire to have babies, I was fortunate enough to have to live through only one miscarriage.  I know how lucky I am, I know that you might not have been so lucky, and for you, the gratitude you feel for the child growing inside of you is tenfold.  I have no problem with that.  I do however, have a problem with Beyonce’s entire over the top, self indulgent pregnant goddess display at the Grammy’s.  1) you’re Beyonce, you already get enough attention.  2) Beyonce is not the first woman on earth to survive martial infidelity that resulted in having a baby, or in her case twins.  I have a number of girlfriends who have done this, the twins bit that is, and they have never worn a crown, or done an entire photo-shoot with their twin bumps hanging out for everybody to marvel at.

SIT DOWN.

BILLIONS of women, BILLIONS, just let this sink in for a minute…have given birth before you, and if we get climate change under control, billions more will give birth after you.

I’m not saying that women shouldn’t celebrate their pregnancies, or rejoice in them.  Don’t mistake what I’m saying, I think women should totally do those things.  All I’m trying to get across, and I say this in my book, is that going into a pregnancy with such a self indulgent, look at me, everybody put me on a pregnancy pedestal attitude, is filtering into parenting.  So what we, as a society are ending up with, is an entire generation of indulgent, precious children, who think their shit doesn’t stink.  And I’m hear to tell you that all kids can naturally be assholes, it’s not your job to make them more of an asshole with this way of being, it’s your job to un-asshole them.  To ensure that they turn out to be incredible, wonderful, thoughtful, kind, giving members of society.  And this starts with your pregnancy.  So please, please, PLEASE for the love of the planet just be pregnant.  Don’t be entitled, holier than thou pregnant.  Know your place, you’re another woman making a baby, regardless of how many miscarriages you’ve suffered, I know your pain, I’ve been there too, I get you, and I honor you, but I refuse to worship you.

I love you all, and am happy for you, but I’m not jumping on the “I’m the only goddess who has ever made a baby on the planet trend.”  Sorry, but that’s going to be a no from me.

xo Shantelle

 

 

6 Comments

  1. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all your “Hmmms”. They truly run the gamut! I agree with all your points; the prevailing social attitudes in general seem to be self-indulgent (i.e. narcissistic), to say the least. How else did Trump resonate so much with certain Americans?
    I feel just being female, that I qualify as a goddess, regardless of whether I produce offspring or not. That is to say, I focus on protecting the earth and all the life upon it as much as I can. I know this wasn’t really the point of your post, but I never digress, lol.
    I look forward to reading your next post(s), as well as what others have to say!

  2. Yes! Yes! A thousand times YES!! Thank you for sharing what I have been thinking for years (culminating in the self-indulgent display on Grammy Night. I mean, seriously?!? I know we were all supposed to think “the second coming” but damn all I could think of was “yeah, my boobs looked great like that when I was pregnant, too”.

    I hadn’t thought of it before, but I think you’re right – that precious attitude during pregnancy can very easily rub off on the rugrat once born! Coming from a mom who actually let her kid play in the mud, eat things off the floor (10 second rule!) and get dirty on the regular, I could never abide by those “kisses of sugar” kids who, sadly, were the result of varying degrees of helicopter moms. And it’s not the kid’s fault! I think we’re all responsible for our own behaviour after we reach a certain age no matter what has gone on in our lives, but these kids, they don’t know any better.

    So if you’re a mom/about-to-be mom needing the spotlight to live in, smarten up! 😉

  3. A no from me as well. My girls came to my husband and I after their birth mothers failed to look after them. I am their mother even though I did not give birth to them. I honour and celebrate pregnancy but I honour those that do the hard work after the birth even more. No pregnancy goddesses for me! xo

  4. I had a terrible pregnancy. First I had morning sickness all day for six months. My hair turned from its pretty light brown to black; my skin got all splotchy, I blew up to the size of the Hindenburg, and I retained water for six months. On top of that, my beautiful daughter decided to take here own sweet time about entering the world and was three weeks late and had to be delivered by C-section! I used to hate going to the OB’s office where there were women who absolutely glowed while I sat there looking like a refugee from the Dust Bowl.

    And I agree that all this “celebration” of various celebrities’ pregnancies is simply self-promotion in another guise. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Beyonce and think she is a remarkable performer, but like you, I get a little weary of all the in-your face brouhaha.

    I it is my fervent prayer that every woman who wants to have a baby does, and those who don’t, don’t have to.

  5. Yes, yes, and YES!!!!!!

    Also: pregnancy is NOT an illness. Once worked with a girl who got a doctor’s note a day after she told us she was pregnant – which was a a day after her trial-period was up. In Denmark it is incredibly difficult to fire a pregnant woman (as it should be – we get a year’s paid maternaty-leave, some companies would simply fire women the moment they became pregnant), but this girl was all ‘Oh, I have problems with my hip-ligaments, I can’t work…’. Sorry, not buying it, especially when we were har first job in 5 years – she was placed with us on a trial-basis by the unemployment office….

    And: Yes, I get that you have procreated, but that doesn’t entitle you and the rest of your mother-group to hog the pavement with your strollers! Do you REALLY need to walk two or three a-breast? (Mother-groups are created locally by the midwives, grouping women together who have had children around the same time, in the same geographical area. They meet up a couple of times a month for the first year, exchanging experiences of motherhood, bonding, etc). They tend to forget that their offspring are NOT the eighth wonder of the world, and seem to take enormous offence when asked to change said offspring in the bathroom, not on the café-table (I kid you not, happened to me a few years ago…. was trying to have a sandwich…. Will admit to have been less than diplomatic)

    I would have loved to have had children, but just never had a man in my life at the opportune moment, and being 43 (and the ‘winner’ of the auto-immune disease Hyperthyroidism at present, so on drugs) I don’t see it in the cards. I’m the World’s best auntie to two wonderful girls (Who are more or less well-behaved), and happy.

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