I get lying, in theory…but it’s never the best way to handle a situation. Ever.

I don’t get lying.

In my experience I’ve yet to see an outcome where lying has a bigger payoff than telling the truth.  Now we have a world leader, and all his cronies saying “alternative facts.”

Say what?

Come again?

That’s a fancy term for LYING that I’ve not heard before.  Seriously, what are the benefits in spinning a tale?  Without fail, it may not be the same day, week, month, year or century, but eventually the truth is revealed.  Once it is, the liar ends up looking like an ass.  For me the worst part of being lied to, is it creates a distrust in the relationship.  It takes a perfectly good, balanced relationship, and puts it on edge.  I for one look at the person differently, and begin to wonder, to myself, and often out loud to them…”what else have you lied about??”

In its core I understand it.  Sometimes you have information that you know will cause the other person upset, so initially you don’t outright lie to them, you just hold back facts.  Facts that won’t serve them.  Facts that they’re better off not knowing, simply because them having said information is going to cause unnecessary upset.  To prove my point; there have been times where I’ve gone out running errands with one of our girls, I’ve had to pick up some things, like a belt, or shoes.  More times than not, the daughter who is with me will also end up with something new.  We then carry on our merry ways.  I don’t bring up the purchases to Yannick, or the other two girls.  Not because I’m LYING, but because I’m saving myself having to explain as to why her, and not them.  Or in the case of the husband, saving him the unnecessary information that doesn’t need to occupy space in his head as to “how much” did it all cost.  These are examples of sparing people facts that won’t serve them.

Then there are other situations like when a girlfriend asks; “do you like my new haircut??”

Sometimes I will just answer “yes” instead of telling them what I really think.  I might be thinking, “it’s not my favorite haircut you’ve ever had, but it still looks good on you.”  But what’s the use in telling her that, when she’s already unsure of the new haircut, if she wasn’t she wouldn’t be asking.  The truth is, it is just hair, and unless she looks a hot mess, and it is now a hair emergency, it will grow back, and she can once again cut it in a more flattering style.

These are “lies” that I’m saying that I think are fine.  Harmless little detours away from the truth.

Then there are other “lies.”  Ones where you’re lead to believe that you’re going to be working with somebody, so you give away some pure original gold ideas, and not only do you not end up working with them, but they end up taking your ideas and pawing them off as their own original ideas.  This is both being lied to, and stolen from.  Two of my personal favourites tied together.  I believe there is a special place in creative hell for these folks, so I usually let these slide, carry on with my life and remind myself to not trust them again.

Then there are the more heartbreaking “lies” the ones when people are in a relationship together, for years, and years, and years, neither getting any younger, their best years, especially for the woman fading into the background.  Then the day finally comes, one of the two holds the other to fire, and makes them cough up whether or not they’re here for the long haul, and if they are, then they should get married.  The person bails, leaving the other holding the bag of mixed emotions, and anger, only to hear, very shortly after, that their ex-person is already engaged to somebody else.  The list goes on and on and on…lying to people about loving them, when you don’t.  Telling them you’re faithful, when you aren’t.  Drinking excessively, or having a drug issue behind a partners back.  So many lies.  So many reasons why.  None of them good enough to justify doing it.  I posted on my Instagram this morning a quote about being honest because I for one am a little bit sick and tired of how lying is becoming a widely accepted way to be.  When it really is not okay.  It’s not alright for anybody involved, and I get it, sometimes it is way easier to tell a white lie than it is to stand, uncomfortably in front of somebody when asked a point blank question than the fleeting cozy comfort of lying.  But remember this my friends;

“The truth doesn’t cost anything.  But a lie could cost you everything.”

And I do mean EVERYTHING.

Think about it, and now ask yourself is it really worth it?  Hmmm…hmmm…hmmm…

 

 

3 Comments

  1. I have been both the recipient of lies … and the perpetrator. I am not proud of either. But I’ll tell you something. I survived many hurtful lies (and “thefts”) from someone I had grown very close to, and I am stronger and smarter for it. I have been guilty of lies of omission which ended up causing hurt and mistrust, Mistrust that I deserve, there is no question. I fought back for it, hard. I know I am a good person. This journey has made me a better, more mindful and open person. But knowing I caused that hurt? I never want to go down that road again.

  2. I know the problem only too well, from beginning to end my marriage was filled with my husband’s lies. If you lie often enough they become your truth it seems, the alternate truth. He bailed after 34 years, I did go through what you describe, but in the end I won my freedom and regained my self esteem. XX

  3. There is another downside to lying that I always tried to impart on my students. If you tell the
    truth you don’t have to remember what you said. Of course when teaching children about lying the one time it is okay to lie is when you are by yourself and you answer the phone and you tell the caller your mom is taking a nap, or in the shower or whatever. It is always a good idea to rehears with the kids as to what to say. That you give them permission to lie in this case and only in this case is also important.

    As usual you are right about the other times to lie, when little white lies are okay. For a president to do it to satisfy his unwarranted ego is just unconscionable.

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