Our frequent flyer program, Aeroplan, and their dumb “market value” bullshit, and other things that make me go “hmmm.”

Okay, there are some things that truly make me go “hmmm” that I am unable to shake off, so I have to let it all out, here and now.

People who say they’re hiring you/using your services, but never do.  Nor do they ever call or email to let you know that they’re not going to, yet you still run into them at functions, and it is AWKWARD as hell.  Why bother?  Why would anybody say they’re giving you a job, and then not do it, knowing that they’re still going to see your face for years to come, and see your face often?  Perhaps I should start this with bill collectors, tell them I’m paying them and just don’t.  Wonder how far that would get me?

Why do things say they can be “hung to dry” and then when you wash them, and hang them to dry they’ve literally shrunk 6-12 inches.  I’m talking to you living room curtains.  So now what am I supposed to do with my “flood curtains???”  I’m thinking I’ll leave them to hang dry overnight, or until they’re fully dry, then take them down and iron them.  Hopefully them being dry and being ironed will bring back their length???

How is that I’m on this meal plan, where I’m eating more often than I normally do, and super nutrient rich food, yet I’m hungrier than when I eat less???  Also, if I’m always hungry, then why am I not losing any weight on this meal plan, even though I’ve also cut out alcohol?

On this note, how is it my husband can stop drinking and lose weight immediately, whereas I stop drinking and gain weight???

What is with my period making a guest appearance after 47 days, prior to this it left me for 71 days; and only coming around for like 36 hours???  Why bother?  Also why are you throwing me off my count.  You know I have to go a full year with nothing before I can be officially rid of you for life.  You clearly don’t even want to be with me anymore, so why come back around at all?  You’re like the shittiest fuck boy ever.  This is annoying me worse than anything.  Ladies who have been here, done that, and survived, I now can totally relate to this bullshit drama that is peri-menopause.

My house smells like something died inside the kitchen drain.  I’m wondering if it might be the rat?  Also it only smells some of the time, which makes no sense to me.  I mean if something is dead somewhere in that vicinity shouldn’t it smell all the time??  And I really wish my husband was around to figure it out.

Did I mention that I can’t figure out why my curtains that said I could wash them and hang to dry them, shrunk?  I did.  Okay sorry.  That one is really chapping my ass.

The thing that has really got my goat today, is Aeroplan.  I know there are all sorts of airline carrier reward programs; the one Yannick and I are members of, and have been since inception is this one called Aeroplan.  We use our credit card, which also has a mileage multiplier feature on it, for absolutely everything.  Like we hardly carry cash.  If we have to purchase something, we’re putting it on the card.  Needless to say we’ve accumulated many, many air miles within this company Aeroplan; which is super handy since we have girls living in Cali, and we, ourselves, go back and forth a great deal.  We also use these points to bring family members out to visit us while we’re here.  Yesterday I attempted to book a flight for Dominique, she’s coming to Toronto for the weekend to a) celebrate her dad’s award on Saturday and b) to celebrate her birthday, which is also on Saturday with her family and loved ones.  I was also trying to get two round trip tickets for my nephews to come see us over Easter, and to get myself and Yannick to Savannah for a wedding in May.

Well, to get to the wedding in May, we would have had to take THREE PLANES that would have taken us over night, and something insane, like 14 hours to make the trip.  From LA to Georgia.  Wow.  Okay, so that’ll be a no from me.  Moving on.  Next up Dominique’s flight to Toronto.  Granted, I appreciate that this is a super last minute flight, now that her employment situation has changed so suddenly, and we have some nerve thinking we’ll get a seat.  Turns out we did, one for a regular amount of points, and the other at “market value.”

This is a nifty thing they now do at Aeroplan.  If they don’t have any reward seats left they will “open up” one for you, at “market value.”  In some cases it’s not insane, and the ticket instead of costing you 50,000 round trip, will cost you, 85,000.  So I’ll usually grant them that because I have so many points, and it’s sort of like my cellphone carrier, if I don’t have to actually give them any more of my cash money, I don’t.  I feel this same exact way with Air Canada.  All that to say I was happy to bump up to “market value” for her, no harm, no foul.  My tough luck for looking for a last minute seat in the first place.  Now, moving on to my nephew’s tickets.  Nothing.  I could get them nothing for the dates I wanted, I mean I could have two return tickets if I wanted to give them 800,000 AEROPLAN POINTS.


800,000 points is market value for two seats?  Really?  Really?  REALLY?  You mean to tell me, I would have had to spend almost ONE MILLION dollars buying shit, to get two lousy round trip business class seats?  Are you kidding me right now?  I couldn’t help myself, I said to the woman on the phone; “Listen I don’t mean any disrespect to you.  Obviously you work for the company, and didn’t come up with this idea of “market value”but, can you imagine the person who did come up with it, walking into the board room all proud and clever, telling his employer that they has the BEST IDEA EVER??!!  Then they drops this on them.  ‘So this is what I’m thinking.  People will call in and try to redeem their points to book travel, we don’t always have reward seats, as you know.  I propose this new program “market value” it would work like this:  sometimes a flight that they regularly take will cost them 50,000 points, and sometimes, that exact same flight could cost them as many as 800,000.'”

Bright idea person steps back, crosses arms, shit eating grin spreads across their face, while they wait to hear the fate of their bright idea.

Employer stands up, slow clapping, tells employee it IS the BEST IDEA EVER.  And voila, “market value” is born.  Except, your loyal patrons disagree with you wholeheartedly.  It is in fact the worst idea ever, and I wish my damn credit card wasn’t so amazing because I would love to dump your stupid ass.  But I cannot.  My card is the BEST, so to be clear, don’t think for a second that my relationship is with you, it isn’t.  It is with my incredible credit card, and you’re just my side piece that I call from time to time when I get desperate.

In closing, you will be happy to know that I did eventually find them flights, I had to push their dates by three days, and they’re on a red eye with one layover to get home, but, I didn’t have to give them more than the 50,000 points I was willing to part with.  So yay, in the end I won, and so did my nephews!

Now if I could just find out who was the mastermind behind the “market value” non value set up with Aeroplan I would like to give them a piece of my mind.




  1. Years ago I carefully nurtured 2 free flights anywhere in Canada on Aeroplan waiting for the right time to use them when, poof, they suddenly expired.

    Have you thought of something like Avion or Westjet rewards?

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