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Are you a feminist if you slam other women? A different sort of WWYDW post.

Today’s What You Do Wednesday isn’t like the others.  Rather than a scenario that puts you in a position of what would you do, today’s is more about how you are on the INSIDE.  In your heart, in your private thoughts toward other people.  Well, actually women specifically.

Lately it’s come to my attention, that so many women out in the world who claim to be feminists, seem to be behaving in the exact opposite way when it comes to how they treat, view, and bluntly, judge other women.  I for one have a lot of opinions, thoughts, and yeah I suppose judgements when I see women who have tons of plastic surgery.  My initial response inside my head when I see somebody pulled way too tight (IMO) with giant implants, or too many injectibles in their face is to question their motivation.  Like I wonder, why would somebody want to look not like themselves to that extreme.  I view them and their choices from more of a curious point of view, not a calling them names, wishing them death the way some women behave on social media.  What I’ve noticed recently is that many women, women who are self proclaimed feminists go for the jugular.

Which has me thinking, why is that feminists seem to be the women who are hardest, and cruelest to other women?  These are my questions about the way some females are behaving on social media, tearing other women they don’t even know down for enhancing themselves.

a)  is it another woman’s job to verbalize anything negative to anybody about their personal choices, famous or otherwise?

b)  is there really anything wrong with a woman changing her appearance in anyway she wants to?  Does this instantly disqualify her from the “feminist club”???

c)  if you’re a feminist calling others, I suppose mainly men it would appear, to treat ALL women with decency, dignity, and respect then how does trashing a woman online for her appearance help with that??

d)  are you able to see a woman who has done copious amounts of work to her face and body, and observe her with zero judgement??

I look forward to your responses, and as always you can count on me to give you mine.

7 Comments

  1. You have a valid point. I have seen this type of behaviour in action so I speak from experience. It’s been my observation and experience basically all wonen have a built in loathing of other women. I won’t touch the issues concerning plastic surgery, as at my age, the surgeons would take one look at my ‘lived in face’ and figure I was nuts. But I say ‘don’t judge others’. That’s not your job.
    Humans, no matter whether man or woman, need to study deeply and thoroughly, about toleratance and wisdom and turning the other cheek.

  2. I’m not sure how to respond to this one, because I never considered being a feminist with how looks plays a part, but I guess it does. Maybe because I’m 66 and we had to fight so damn hard to even get accepted in the work place, decent pay, work hours, putting up with sexual harassment, that looks never entered my head to worry about it. I was working too damn hard to prove myself as an equal worker to a man and working my way up “the ladder” to give it much thought. And it never entered my head to tear down another woman who was working her way in the world, down either. If she was not doing her job and a detriment to other females I would be pissed at her, but not because of her looks. Unless she was using them to get ahead.
    I guess when I see some one who has had a lot of work done I do wonder why. But, because I wonder is it because she feels insecure and needs the boost and if it helps her, why not?
    I’m not a “Girly girl”. Blue jeans and sneakers for me. And I go with the old saying I don’t want anything fixed. I look this way because my life was hard and a lot of the roads weren’t paved.

  3. I sure try!!! Not always successful but I know now that snap judgments are rarely accurate. ♥️

  4. It is definitely not my job as a woman to say Anything negative about another anyone’s personal choices. The only time I would say Anything at all is when they do something that can be harmful to themselves or others.
    If a woman wants to change her appearance it is totally her decision. I think a lot of them just don’t have and never have had a good self-image. She can certainly still consider herself a feminist although I am still not exactly sure of the actual definition of that. I believe we All (men and women) should treat Everyone with decency, dignity, and respect.
    I don’t feel that I judge a woman with massive amounts of plastic surgery. I feel sorry that she was not happy with herself as she was.

  5. A: No.
    B: No and no.
    C: It doesn’t – it merely reflects poorly on the person commenting.
    D: No, but I keep it to myself.

    I think we as women tend to be harder on other women, because we reflect ourselves in them, and compare ourselves to them. Some of us have a filter that means we can keep that judgement to ourselves, some of us don’t. Some of us can pass judgement in a diplomatic way, some can’t.

    Our mothers (I was born in 1973) were the feminists who burned their bras, smoked pipes, wore purple tie-dye t-shirts, and were the first proper generation where the majority worked outside the home as opposed to being stay at home mothers. Ours is also the first generation where we truely see divorce taking it’s toll on the nuclear family (admittedly, my parents will be celebrating their 49 th anniversary in 3 weeks time – but about ½ my schoolmates in grade school came from ‘broken homes’).

    My generation has a lot to live up to: the fight for equal pay for equal work is still very much a reality many places. Also the recognition of jobs that are traditionally top-heavy with a female workforce (ex. nursing, pre-school teachers, cleaners) and getting them to a place where the wage reflects their education, and there is a possibility of proper advancement. (Might just add that we in Denmark have just been through a tough couple of months, while negotiations were ongoing in the public sector over the wages and condtions for the next three years – we were literally 36 hours away from a general strike within the public sector).

    So we have a lot to live up to, and seeing so-called perfect people in magazines (you know the sort:” Oh, I work 50 hours a week as a high-powered attorney, but still have time to keep an immaculate home, do arts and crafts with my beautiful (and well-behaved) children, bake my own bread, and stay perfectly groomed for my husband.”) we are behind on points. So we become petty and childish, and lash out at people trying to better themselves in whatever way they choose. And I’m no better than anyone, there: I wouldn’t put myself under the knife, but I’ll have a facial every once in a while, and yes, I get parts of my body I can’t really reach waxed to feel pretty…..

  6. I would be d). But with the caveat that if it was too obvious, I would think to myself “damn that didn’t come out well”. Then I’d wonder if there are any Doctors out there that know what the hell they’re doing when they make women who look like Joan Rivers, God rest her soul! I think we should be able to get a tuck, or a lift etc without it looking like someone had your scalp pulled back and you look all freightened! You know what I mean? But I think you’re daughter put it succinctly, “female misogynists” are alive and well in our society! Why? Because the world is ruled by men! And although we try to stand on our own, the media still paints women, independent, strong women, badly. So those negative stereotypes are beat into our brains! Whether we’d like to admit it or not! Until we can make a break from the brain- washing male dominated thought process involved in “news feeds” women trashing women will always be prevalent, unfortunately.

  7. Yeah, I don’t care what women do to their bodies. It’s their business. This seems more like a celebrity issue because we don’t see this much in the midwest at the mall 😉 We all just get old and saggy and accept it. But I get your point. My mother taught me “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” So I might not like some aspect of a woman’s look but I’d never say so to her face or to anyone else.

    Somewhere in the ’90s or later, with the advent of reality TV and the internet, entertainment providers found out a really good hook for ratings or clicks was to let people voice opinions. So we started ranking things, rating things, judging things. Who wore it best, who did it best, who stayed, who got fired. Top 10, Worst 10. Places rated. I’m thinking of that obnoxious woman who died tragically who used to cut people to ribbons for their runway costumes. This encourages people to voice opinions on things that are not only incredibly superficial but none of their damn business. It must be awful to feel judged by your every move, your every look and outfit. There’s that English actress who wears the most outlandish stuff she can find just to give the finger to this trend. I admire her.

    As for feminism, I think of it as humanism. You give the same respect and rights to all people no matter what gender, race, religion, sexual orientation or fashion sense. Feminism to me is a way of life, a philosophy. Being judgmental is just being human, so of course, you can find people who are both feminists and judgmental. They will not see this in themselves because people are very good at rationalizing personal contradictions.

    I cut the cord to cable TV 4 years ago. I stream what I want, when I want, with no nasty reality TV competitions, no screaming car commercials, no hypocritical politicians, no talking heads with unsubstantiated opinions. In other words, I opted out of all the stupid TV and just kept the cream, which is Murdoch Mysteries on Acorn 😉 You can opt out of all the meanness. Just cut the cord.

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