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Anyone want to help me figure out if this comment is due to a language barrier, or is she trying to insult me?

Was sent a comment from my moderator tonight that cracked me up.  It came from BethyCake who seems to be super concerned that my teen pregnancy thwarted YB’s plans to become a professor, or doctor.  She has a lot of questions about me being a teen mom, so I thought I’d throw her a bone and answer her kind concerns, on my blog.

“Wow! Mom at 19! How did you manage to keep your daughters from making the same mistake you made by becoming a teen mom and causing Yannick to have to drop out of High School to support you. and the baby.”

First stop, a little history lesson for this reader.

  1.  I had two full time jobs when I finished high school and we started dating.  Yannick technically had none, since he was only auditioning.
  2.  I owned my own car, Yannick did not.
  3.  I was a working actress along with my two full time jobs, so I think it’s safe to say YB wasn’t supporting me, at all.  Even after babies while he continued auditioning for acting gigs, I went and got another full time job when our first daughter was not even a year old.  So again, he wasn’t supporting me, I was more than carrying my weight in the relationship.
  4. If you’re truly concerned about YB and his mental well-being after being trapped all those years ago, don’t be.  You should know that our daughters are our greatest blessings and our favourite people, so you calling them a mistake is well, just asinine.
  5.  Now I have a question for you:  Is this my mother-in-law writing from an anonymous email address under a pseudonym???

Clearly Bethy is obviously no Yanny Bissony fan.  Because if she was she would know that my getting pregnant at 19 wasn’t what caused him to leave high school, he’d already left high school in tenth grade, long before I even knew him.  What caused him to leave high school was the fact that he’d been living on his own since he was fifteen years old, and making a shit ton of money for a kid that age.  And what fifteen year old kid living in a basement apartment on their own would even dream about going to school, while making almost six figures a year?  This isn’t even a make me go “hmmm” situation, this my friends is a no brainer.  I can tell you that there is no kid without a strong parental support system who would get their ass out of bed to go to school if they thought life would always be that easy.

And, just so you know the way I kept my girls from getting pregnant and not becoming young mothers had nothing at all to do with me, and everything to do with them, and of course that larger than all of us thing:  THEIR LIFE PLAN THAT THE UNIVERSE HAS IN STORE FOR THEM.

Trust me, when I met Yannick the last thing either of us was thinking about or looking for was love, marriage, and babies.  But then the universe handed us our life savior by getting us pregnant with Brianna.  Brianna literally saved our asses.  We were partying and not focused on taking care of ourselves or really thinking about our futures.  She turned us around, and her birth gave us something bigger than ourselves to focus on.

It sounds like maybe you, BethyCake, need something to turn you around?  I mean, it’s really super hard to get your “tone” from your written comment, and it might be that English isn’t your first language so your google translator made you sound more like a bitch than you wanted to, so I’m not going to be too harsh with you.  But seriously, it sounds like you either haven’t done your Yannick Bisson fact checking, or you legitimately thought I somehow sidelined his entire life, which couldn’t be further from the truth.  Like did I “get teen pregnant” alone or something?  I mean I don’t know if you’ve actually ever had sex, but it takes two to make a baby, and two people to be responsible for birth control, so…

Besides you should know this as well.  After we discovered I was pregnant he couldn’t have been more happy, because as in his words: “Well it looks like I get to keep you.” Meaning he wasn’t exactly heartbroken at our pregnancy.  Also known as, up until then I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and with me came the other few best things that have ever happened to him…our children.  So, I’m not really sure what you’re trying to start here, but I’m here to tell you not today.  Not on a day when 1475 children are “lost” in America, which I can tell from your IP address is where you’re from.  So maybe you should sit down and be nice, if even for one day.

And besides you said “teen pregnancy” like it was something to be ashamed of.  I will always be proud of being a teen mom.  I will always be thankful for being a teen mom. And I will pray today, and every single day for any mom who is living without her child(ren)tonight that they find some comfort somewhere, somehow.  A child is the greatest gift that can be bestowed, and you won’t ever change how I feel about how and when I got pregnant.  I won’t allow somebody like you to walk away thinking that you’ve somehow shown or shamed me, or made me second guess my life choices.  Instead I will focus on the blessing that my first daughter was, and I will be forever grateful that she came into my/our lives when she did.  And if you were to ask my girls, all three of them feel like they should already be done having their babies…well, let me rephrase that; the older two feel that way.  They feel like they’re already going to be “old moms.”  So you see BethyCakes, you haven’t insulted me, my husband or my girls in the least, you’ve done the exact opposite.  You’ve reminded me how thankful I am to have my girls and to still have my man.  Thank you for re-centering me, you’re the real MVP.

25 Comments

  1. Have been away and catching up. I cannot even…. really what have her the idea that she could comment on yours and Yannick”s life events and choices. She does not know you, the events, the truth. To me, this was just rude and uncalled for.

  2. Out of the girls I went to school with I was the last on to have children at 27 and 30. I saw their struggle and through the Grace of God we all made it through. Envy is something we all deal in many different ways and if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck guess what, it’s not a horse. She probably wishes that she has your life and YB was next to her. Keep living your life and sharing your thoughts with those of us who are willing to listen. You are Blessed with much love and smarts. Stay loved.

  3. Its this kind of response to your totally honest and out front posts that is so upsetting! Obviously, she hasn’t followed you or as you say is not a fan of YB. If she was, well then, she would be an admirer and follower of you all. You’re posts are insightful. Your opinions are yours and yours alone, although I must say I agree with you most of the time. This is the problem with social media, it brings the trolls out where they can hide behind their keyboards spouting hatred due to their own….frustrations, disappointments, etc.
    I soooo loved seeing your family pictures and interactions, but since I’m not on social media, I cannot see them anymore! Thanks to shit heads like this BethyCake! I’m now pissed off because I can’t see your birthday surprise or anything else due to this asshole!
    You keep on keepin on Girl!!! Don’t let a shit head like this bring you down! But she most definitely screwed it up for those of us who are not on social media.

  4. So many strong, supportive comments have already been said. I can only add my voice to the list. Please continue to share your writings with those of use who enjoy reading them. The nay sayers may always be there but no one needs to give them the attention they seek. Stay strong.

  5. She sounds critical, but she also sounds jealous. Ben Franklin said, “Living well is the best revenge.” Keep living (and loving) well!

  6. First off, what the hell? Augh … I don’t know why I’m still surprised by people like Judgey McJudgester here. Where the hell does she get off making ANY kind of judgement call on you or your relationship with your family?

    You did something that MY “teenage mom” would always suggest, and I suggest the same: taking the high road. You made the most of your lives together. Who in the world would want to find fault with that?

  7. Dear Shantelle,
    Wow! You made my day so happy! I really enjoyed your post. I would like to point out right now that English is not my first language (the third actually), I am Hungarian (living in Hungary) and I try to bring myself closer to the world with my self made English.
    You are so right and it’s so good to write what you mean sincerely. At the same time, you should not be amazed at such comments reasons, many say judgment on the basis of a piece of truth, it’s always more interesting rubbing in the laundry of others. I think the world has shrunk to a single washroom, the stupidity is globalized.
    But if you’ve been so brave to made your private life public, you have to take the shadowy side of it, too. Just do not let them annoy you. Life is too short to waste on other people’s nonsense.
    I grew up in a very poor family, but I have wonderful parents (58 years of marriage), no alcohol, no drugs or violence. And they did everything I could to learn and have a better life. I wish you both to have so much love from your kids as my parents get from me and their grandchildren.
    Have a nice day, I already have it. Thank you.

  8. I would not attempt to answer this as you so eloquently did that already. It always surprises me though when I see an article or a thread that comments on a person in the acting profession, assuming that they know more about that person’s life, having never even met them. The all knowing commentors of social media are, in plain words, assholes. Yes, it’s rude, but accurate. I’d like to think the comment was misunderstood but I think it was meant to be a dig by a person who wanted you to feel small…well, smaller than they are and quite frankly, how could anyone be that small? I have many friends who became pregnant and as young girls had given up their children, only to search for them many years later. My point is you and YB made a courageous choice. I know, it seemed natural to you,but a choice nonetheless. This idea that you ruined his life is just laughable. As much as your daughter saved your life you saved his. Truth be known, every man is better for the stable love of a wife and family. I have never felt education was a barameter for intelligence. If that were true ,many of our world leaders would be geniuses and , I guess we know that’s not true. However, I digress. I am saying our lives take many paths and it’s easy to take the wrong ones, paths we later regret. I’m happy you and YB chose to stay together. As in football, it’s easy to ” armchair quarterback” when you are viewing something in retrospect. YOU are the only ones who has a right to comment on your life…certainly not some page flipping bimbo who reads about your lives in some rag and decides they are the voice of the moral majority . I would like to believe I’m wrong but my experience tells me otherwise. You showed great restraint. I would have chosen a choice finger on my right hand and displayed it long and well. I am a child of the 70’s and by nature, impetuous…also fiercely defensive Of folks I admire. Keep on keepin on INSTAGRAM friend. Your insight in your column is a cool breeze in the desert. I truly believe you & your children are as big a reason for YB’s success as his talent. There should be no criticism as to when a child is born, only a joy for the blessing. From what I see, your daughter is just that. Of course,this is my assessment from afar😊

  9. I most certainly would have been offended the way her comment read. Whatever makes anyone think a child is not a blessing will never make a bit of sense to me! I have a lot of teen mommies in my life, and as my family. I can say that not one of them regret those children. I got married young and had my only child a few years later… she is 9 now and i love her so much! We honestly wouldn’t change a thing about being her parents. Your daughters will be amazing mothers when their time arises… at any age♡ my goodness! Just wanna hug all of you with the rashion of stupid flying at you from folks these days. You all handle is with grace, confidence and wisdom. I sure do hope the bethycakes of the world learn a thing or two… before they take their feet out of their mouths again!

  10. You are truly a class act, Shantelle. You handled yourself beautifully. This conversation could have easily gone down a very dark road and you didn’t let it. Bravo. 💖👌🏻

  11. What in the world?? Listen, I’ll not shy away from arguing or criticizing your opinion, as you well know 🙂 , but your LIFE is none of my business. You can share whatever you want; that is given freely. But when it comes to criticizing that info, especially when they are choices that were made that have defined your life, none of us are in a position to judge. To then add your kids into the judgment is really off-limits.

  12. You’re awesome!!! And you are blessed, and your readers are blessed to read your stories, opinions, etc…

  13. I can’t believe that people like that feel a need to post their ignorance. You set her and any like minded idiots in her and their place. That place is the “shame on you” corner, You both are the most Fantastic, Loving, and Caring parents. You both knew even at the beginning that she was a blessing and she became so much more along with your other wonderful girls.
    Not sure what BethyCake wanted to stir up, but all she did was help emphasize just what a Strong, Amazing, Wonderful mother and wife you are and what role model parents you both have been and are.
    Note to your girls, I too am an ‘old Mom’ and it has been Terrific 🙂

  14. What an inappropriate comment! I’m not sure she deserved a response, but have NEVER heard Yannick complain about his family or sacrifices he’s made. In interviews he’s often said he left home at 15 and didn’t finish school because he was working so much. He’s never blamed anyone for his choices. It sounds like you both worked, raised the kids etc depending on who was available. That’s what grownups, even if they’re teens, do. I don’t see the problem, except your reader is projecting things on you guys that never happened. Never assume.

  15. I think this particular person is looking for the tallest poppy to take a swing at. Missed her mark, I’d say. Which is the best gift you could have given her. She needs to learn there are real people behind the actory facade. Bravo, Shantelle!

  16. The other commenters have done a great job applauding this reply to whoever BethyCake is and I agree with them. Am wowed over how calm, cool, collected and forgiving you sound in this response.
    You are absolutely correct in noting she can’t be a YB Fan or follower because we know the backstory and love all of you for it.

  17. I think this BethyCake is just a troll looking to stir up trouble. So happy you put the troll in her place. You seem to be very wise which thankfully you share, helping some of us in ways no one else has. Thank you for sharing part of your and Yannick’s personal life. My dad was 19 and my mom was 16 when Ralph was born. 6 1/2 years and 3 brothers later I was born. Before you try the math; there is one set of twins. The universe apparently had other plans since the second born, David, had a twin that was miscarried. There’s a strong possibility I had a twin that was also miscarried. So there could have been seven of us in a 6 1/2 year span. However, IF David’s twin had been born and a female then I would not be here. What is the universe saying? hmmm

  18. I think your family is wonderful!

    One of the reasons why my friend and I are taking a self care summer and dumping social media (I mentioned it in the other post when you talked about your daughters graduation) is all the negativity that is online. Of course it’s still gonna be there when we come back to social media. We just wanted a break from it.

  19. I too was a teen mom I was 17 when our first daughter was born back in 85. In my opinion you can’t “ trap” someone into a) sticking around and being a father or b) marrying you. Let’s face it IF they don’t want the responsibility in what comes from having sex which then results in a baby they’ll leave simple as that. So I really don’t think that gal knows what she’s talking about.

    I’m honestly happy I had my three children when I was young. Now I have two grand babies and being 50 this year I feel I’m young enough yet to really enjoy being a Grammy.

    Being a teenage mom wasn’t easy. But you know what, I wouldn’t change a thing. Oh and YES I married their father and I can say I’m still married to the same man 34 years later. Did we have our ups and downs heck yes but you know people probably didn’t give us a chance and well we proved them wrong. Which I’m sure is exactly how you feel also.
    Btw I absolutely love Murdock mysteries. 🙂

  20. Let me say, many of the facts of yours and Yannick’s teen years, I was unaware of. Now you have both gone up in my estimation about 5,000%. Truly. Never realized the drive you both have had even before you met. Babies at anytime when two people love each other as you & Yannick did at the time you and he conceived Brianna was the magic which began the wonderful, gifted life you’ve shared with first one daughter; then two daughters and finally the icing of your marriage – your third daughter. All I can add is bless all five of you. Any naysayers – balderdash – if that is the right word without swearing, because I do know a few choice words which would also fit.

  21. Shantelle,
    Bravo for you and well said. The sad thing about BethyCake is hurt people, hurt people….but, not strong people like you. Love your insight and can’t wait for your book. Continued blessings for you and your wonderful family. Love to all.

    Respectfully,
    Courtney Manasco

  22. Wow! Taking what most people would taken as negative & turning it around to be something to remind you of your blessings is what makes you Shantelle!

    Besides the little insights into your family life from dating to marriage to children, this is the strongest paragraph for me:

    “And, just so you know the way I kept my girls from getting pregnant and not becoming young mothers had nothing at all to do with me, and everything to do with them, and of course that larger than all of us thing: THEIR LIFE PLAN THAT THE UNIVERSE HAS IN STORE FOR THEM.”

    Some other bits are:
    “A child is the greatest gift that can be bestowed, and you won’t ever change how I feel about how and when I got pregnant”
    “After we discovered I was pregnant he couldn’t have been more happy, because as in his words: “Well it looks like I get to keep you”
    ” You’ve reminded me how thankful I am to have my girls and to still have my man”

  23. You and your family are such a loving, solid, inspirational example. Fuck the haters! I’m an “old mom”, it isn’t so bad 😉😘

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