Dear From the Ex-Wife,

Shit.  I hate these type of situations.  It’s just so damn awkward for everybody.

The other day I was standing outside my Soul Cycle class in Malibu.  There were two older women, mid-late fifties, each with a daughter, about our youngest girl’s age, so twenty-one.  They were chit chatting about this and that, when a younger woman, like late twenties MAYBE early thirties called out one of the daughters’ names.  The young girl looked up, turned and greeted her. The youngish woman gave her a giant hug, a fully animated and excited greeting. As the door to the studio closed behind her, the twenty-one-year-old looked at her mother and said: “That’s dad’s new girlfriend.”

For a brief, split moment in time the mother’s face fell.  She quickly caught herself and simply said; “Oh” then changed the subject to something else.

Nobody likes to see, hear about, or meet the new piece of ass.  I don’t care who you are, or how your marriage ended. I’ve never met a single woman who has been married who has run to meet their ex-husband’s new babe.  I’m sorry, but to me, it just doesn’t seem natural. I mean you say you’re a package deal. But how do you figure? Are you going to go on holidays with your ex, his new girl and your kids???  Are you going to celebrate holidays with them? Have Sunday dinners? I seriously doubt you will be doing anything of these things. So, I say, if you’re really, truly cool with your kids meeting her, and you don’t mind him making that introduction…which, I have to say you’re a better woman than I am, I always tell my husband he better wait until I’m dead to ever even think about being with another woman, never mind chilling with my daughters and a new partner.  But if you’re cool with it, then let that happen but believe me when I say to you…I don’t really think your heart wants to meet her. I think your curiosity, and perhaps a little bit of first wife ownership wants to know what she’s like. But your heart, it can do without it, so I’d take a pass, for now. Let’s see if she’s going to stick around before you go crossing that emotional bridge. Shall we?

Protect yourself first.

Xo

Elle

After reading over all the Motivational Monday’s I’ve written, this one happens to be my favourite.  Maybe because Mikaela went back to LA and I’m officially kid-less.  Nobody lives here with us anymore.  Just me, Yan, and our two four legged boys.  So perhaps I’m feeling sentimental for all things mom related.  Whatever the reason is this is the blog post I’ve picked to share with you, my; “KUDOS TO SINGLE PARENTS EVERYWHERE” post!

If you’re reading this it’s because you’re a parent, and you don’t need me to tell you that being a parent is a big job.  A huge all-encompassing responsibility. So much hinges on how we raise them, and we’re all keenly aware of that teeny tiny not so insignificant detail.  Which means, if you’re anything like me, sometimes that knowledge can drive you insane with self-doubt, and insecurities that keep you up at night wondering “am I doing this right?”

The answer.  Some days yes, and some days no, and both are totally okay.  Parenting is not about perfection it’s about intention. And if your heart is focused on doing your best and loving your kid(s) with your whole heart, that my friends is half the battle.  I’m fortunate that I’ve had an equal partner in the raising of my three girls, not everybody does. My mom didn’t. She was a full time working single parent with less than no help from my father, both financially and emotionally. I had an inkling that it was difficult for her; two brothers playing competitive hockey, me a competitive dancer, her working from 8am-4pm five days a week.  Yet she never complained, not that I recall. She also didn’t lose her cool, all that much, for as much pressure that, I know now about firsthand, that she was under. I know this because I too have gone through the momming part of my life.

I’m in awe.  I’m in awe of every single one of you parents out there doing it on your own.  Men, women, all of you just so totally committed to your children, doing the job of two, with just yourself to lean on.  You’re fucking brilliant. You’re total, and absolute super heroes. I mean anybody crazy enough to bring a little person into the world and be like; “I so have this, I’m going to raise a completely, amazing, contributing member of society” is a little bit nutty to begin with.  I include myself in this bunch, because honestly, most of us are still dealing with the dysfunction of our own childhoods, (and if you were raised by humans, then part of your childhood and how you were raised was not ideal, and that’s okay!) so what makes us think we should give the entire thing a whirl on our own is a mystery to me.  Yet we do, and some of you are doing it solo and honestly, you’re the people I admire more than pretty much anybody on this planet. So, if today you were having a shitty day and feeling like maybe you can’t go on, or you’re pretty sure you’re doing it all wrong, and that you’re not as good a parent as somebody who has a parenting partner.  Take it from a woman who has a parenting partner but was raised by a woman who didn’t…you’re the rock stars of the parenting world, and you’re not alone at all. Moms like me are rooting for you, and are here for you, and are freaking proud of you!

Kudos to single parents everywhere!!!

xo