From the blog

What Would You Do if you had an ongoing conflict with a co-worker??

Here we are again friends, another hump day and another What Would You Do Wednesday?

First, I have to point out to all the readers who like to leave shitty comments on this blog, you know what’s the most fun about you guys?  The fact that your comments leave this little number under your email address, and when you plug that number into a tracker, it, in the case of the one who lives in Ottawa, points pretty much directly at your house.  I guess your cell tower where your router hits off of is super close to where you live.  So that’s the most enjoyment I glean out of your shitty comments.  It’s a game I actually enjoy playing, so keep up with the hateful comments, and just know two things:  1)  I couldn’t care less about what you think about me, because that’s more a reflection of you than me and 2)  I do enjoy finding out where you’re from, it removes a little bit of the mystery for me.  So have at it!

Now on to the point of this blog; if in you are in a work environment where you have a co-worker who dislikes you, deeply, one who even drags you on social media.  What Would You Do?  Would you;

a)  go to them directly and try to get to the bottom of it, since it is obvious that this co-worker has an issue with you?

b)  return the hateful, childish behaviour and take to your own social media outlets to bad mouth them in retaliation?

c)  take the matter to a superior?  Getting a mediator involved puts the behaviour on record, as it were, and keeps you in the clear should the other employee ever try to build a case against you?

d)  say nothing at all, because not everybody likes everybody anyway, and as long as you’re both doing your jobs, what’s the big deal?

As always, I look forward to hearing your responses, and hearing if any of you have also encountered this in your work environment.

xo

SB

11 Comments

  1. Not sure why people come to your blog and say nasty things and about you. It is petty and ridiculous. I am so pleased you do not let them get you down.

    For the poll, I would do option D. Not everyone has to like me and I do not have to like everyone.

  2. Well, I’d start with A to find out why this is happening. If there is no resolution, then C report it to my superiors. Work is no place for childish school yard behavior, which as we all know is what goes on with Twitter, Instagram, etc. People are brave when they hide behind a keyboard. Just like beer muscles! I’m not one to sit back and ignore bad behavior toward me. I want to know why, if I don’t know already, and end it one way or another. Too much negativity going on in not only this country, but the world today to be stressed with this!

  3. First I can’t even imagine what kind of people make shitty commencements about you or you blog or postings. As you said it is about them and what horrible sad people they must be, Love your game with them 🙂
    For the WWYDW I would start with trying a) but I doubt a person who would go after you on social media would listen to you face to face. Also c) going to my superior especially if social media is involved. As you said this will cover you in case there are false statements made later. I have seen that with friends before,

  4. I worked with a coworker who deeply disliked me. We had 2 bosses- father and son. The father thought she was great and had a soft spot for her; she hated the son, & the son and I got along great, worked well as a team and are still great friends ( with our respective spouses) years later after the company was sold. She did everything trying to get me fired, including accusing the son and I having an affair (which is so freaking hilarious). She didn’t speak to either of us for nearly 3 years! We just took the high road and ignored her behaviour and circumvented any decisions or required reports around her. Eventually she realized I was going no where until none of us had a job anymore. It was still my favourite job hands down. So that’s how we handled it. May not work in all situations.

  5. C as I have experience of trying to work it out quietly and it turning very nasty. ( All’s well that ends well though).
    Just checking that I can post.

  6. I would choose option C. Having to deal with this a few years back on a board of directors that was a working board so dealt with person daily I chose C sort of. The person causing me grief was technically a superior worker in title at least. I informed the rest of the board of the issues and asked for them to help intervene.

    It truly is horrible when you love doing something but people make the environment so bad it is no longer enjoyable.

  7. If the person has taken it to social media, then A, because they are already out there. I would try to get to the bottom of it, face to face, and ask them to keep it like that, i.e. off the internet, because it makes me uncomfortable. If they persist, then C, because this is textbook toxic work environment.

  8. I was in a situation like this about two years ago. Unfortunately, the co-worker involved was my team leader, who was only acting team leader at the time. She isolated me from the rest of the team, told me off for talking to my colleagues and refused to talk to be about the issues we’d been having. It got to a point where she was spreading rumours about my sexuality (I’m a tomboy, I play sports and I’m straight) and then adding that I was trying to hit on her.

    I transcribe court proceedings, so one good thing is that my job requires the use of headphones, which means as long as we’re typing, we’re not talking, plus there’s more to concentrate on in court than there is in the office. My colleague who sat next to me started to send me instant messages about what was being said to her about me behind my back. It was not pleasant and tantamount to bullying. I didn’t do anything about it for a while. I was only working there for two years, she was my team leader and she had been there for five years. What could I do? I was taking time off simply because I didn’t want to go to work. It got to a point where I was seeing a psychologist and taking Valium.

    It all hit the fan when she said I took an “unauthorised” day off. I obtained approval through the right channels and I covered my bases by printing out the approval form which she had signed weeks before the day, it’s just that she had not put it in the leave diary. I went to my union representative to discuss what options I had available to me because I just couldn’t work in that kind of toxic environment…she also said that I was creating the toxic environment in the team. I had meetings with the general manager more times that I’ve had hot dinners discussing what I could do to be more flexible. Not once did I see her go into a meeting (I was sitting behind her).

    As it turned out, I was not the only one she “targeted”. There were four others before me, all men. She had a delusion that all the men in the office were “keen on her”. I had booked a two week overseas trip nine months beforehand and it just so happened that I was due to fly out in the middle of all the crap. Boy, was that holiday needed.

    When I returned, I spoke to my union rep again and discovered that my desk had been moved upstairs and she got a promotion to permanent team leader. That was a serious WTF moment. I felt like I was being punished because I had the guts to call her out on her behaviour. I was given three options…1. Let it go and keep on getting bullied by this woman. 2. Mediation. 3 Formal investigation.

    There was no way in hell I was letting it go. I’ve been bullied since I was 6 because I’m not a “girly girl.” It was time to put a stop to that once and for all. Mediation sounded like the wuss’s way out but at least she’d have to pull her head in. A formal investigation scared me to death.

    I spoke to my union rep and she said that the best option was mediation. She explained what was involved and I agreed as long as I could have her (the rep) with me during the whole process.

    It wasn’t easy as it was the first time I had stood up to a bully in my 30 years on this earth. I am still working at the same place as is the team leader (who is still a team leader). A few days after the mediation, I asked to be moved into another team and I moved to another part of the office. Now we don’t see each other at all anymore.

    It’s an experience I’d rather not go through again but if it did happen again, I would probably do the same thing…go with mediation even though it’s terrifying, the air gets cleared and you can move on.

  9. I should add one thing. The day I retired she insisted in buying me dinner at a nice restaurant and pretending we were still friends, like the last 7 years hadn’t happened. It was really awkward and downright weird. I wouldn’t have gone except I’d been taught never to be rude. I still stop and exchange pleasantries when I visit because to do otherwise would be rude. I’m such a coward.

  10. This was not a hypothetical for me and in my case the mean girl was my boss. For some reason she felt threatened by anyone, not just me, who came up with original ideas or was generally successful in ways beyond her control. I didn’t handle it well at first. We had started out as friends and she headhunted me. After I realized what was going on, when she went over the line, I confronted her and she’d back down. After that I ignored her, did my own thing, stayed out of her way. I didn’t get to contribute what I wanted to and was very frustrated that the students we were trying to help were the ones who paid in undeveloped programs and services. I LOVED my job as a reference librarian and information literacy instructor. Absolutely loved it. Staff knew I was her lightning rod and deflected a lot of her ire (after I left she found a new one), but I stayed one last year to get tenure basically to piss her off. Tenure isn’t a monetary thing, but a sort of protection from getting fired. With tenure she couldn’t touch me. I still chat with my pals and she’s still micromanaging, taking credit for others ideas, sabotaging their initiatives. It’ll be much happier place when she’s gone. I do wish I had handled it better, though. I guess I did your a, c, and d. None of them worked very well.

  11. Not B ~ that’s pathetic as an adult. Probably not C unless I have exhausted all other options. I’d attempt to get to the bottom of it directly but if that didn’t work I’d have to move on and ignore unless it had a real professional impact on my job. Then I’d reluctantly go to C

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *